Musings from then and Now
by LVfangirl
Summary: LoVe before, during and after the movie. What Logan/Veronica might have been thinking during scenes of the movie, plus the two weeks before Logan leaves. Chapter 17 and on, letters between the two of them discussing their missing years. Spoilers of all types.Disclaimer: I own Nothing.
1. Chapter 1

9 Years Ago; July

Neptune was soon to be a memory. That much was clear to Veronica as she hung the phone up with admissions at Stanford. She had just verified that the University would honor all of her credits and grades from Hearst, and all she had to do was find housing and get her schedule lined up for the fall.

She felt a thrill go through her as she thought of all that was to come; all the potential she had riding on this decision to move on and away from Neptune. Away from all the turmoil that seemed to chase her as much as she chased it. Her father might actually be able to rebuild from the rubble that was caused by her and her rash decisions. She would be able to hold her head up high, without wondering what everyone thought of her, her past would be HERS and hers alone, no one would ever have to know of her baggage. A fresh start, one in which she could put her P.I. badge in the drawer and just be an average student, with average goals. The world was hers!

With a small amount of dread, she thought of all she would be putting away along with the badge. Her best friends, who knew so much of her…Wallace, who was as loyal as one could possibly be and Mac, who had been through enough with her to make them friends for life. Wallace and Mac were happy enough at Hearst; they had goals that could be met there. It would be a test on their friendships because Veronica _had _to leave. Because to not leave would equal….Logan.

Logan. She closed her eyes, and took in a breath. He was a large part of why she knew she had to leave. The longer she stayed in Neptune, the more their pull to each other seemed to ruin those around her. Piz had dumped her at the end of their spring courses, and not surprisingly. They had both witnessed Logan's "revenge" on Gory and after that, there had been no question in Piz's mind that he was maybe too much of a nice guy for Veronica. He was the one that stayed safely off the edge of anything dangerous, and Veronica's past once again got in the way of her future. He couldn't get past it, and truthfully, Veronica knew she would probably never get past it either, if she stayed in Neptune.

But Logan…Veronica wasn't even sure how to explain to Logan her decision. They hadn't really been in contact, but it hurt her heart to even think about leaving without as much as a word of explanation that he would never see her again. And there really was no need to see him again, she knew. But to just cut him out…although, she had warned him during that last argument at the suite: that he was out of her life, forever.

The internship in Washington had helped to keep her mind off of the things at home, but that had gotten her thinking hard about what she wanted out of life. A few phone calls and emails later, she was officially a student at Stanford. It amazed Veronica how fast everything changed. One decision was changing the course of her year, and her whole future.

How to explain that to her friends? Her dad wasn't a problem, she knew. He had never really wanted her stuck in Neptune for the long term. She knew that her decision to go to Hearst had made him happy with an undercurrent of worry. Happy, because she was close to home, but worry about where it would eventually lead her. With all the drama of the spring and his run for sheriff, he would likely welcome the chance to live a life without cleaning up after her all the time. Keith was nothing if not supportive, and she had mentioned to him already about looking into Stanford to see what they could do for her. He wouldn't be surprised by her decision at all.

So the challenge was how to break the news to everyone else. It would have to be done soon; she would only have about 2 weeks between the FBI internship and classes starting up, and she would be busy finding lodging and doing all that was required for moving…and could she really face her friends and stick to her decision?

She finally settled on writing a generic email. Veronica settled in at her laptop, and began to compose:

Hi, all,

This is really hard to write. I have been really trying to decide how to begin this, so I am just going to pull the Band-Aid off:

I am transferring to Stanford in the fall. I am not continuing at Hearst . Due to the events during last semester, I have decided that it will be easier for everyone if I get out of Neptune for a while. I will miss you all, but I have to do this just to get a fresh start. I don't know how else to make that happen.

Veronica

She looked at the email, cringing at the words typed there. Mac and Wallace would understand that she had to send this email as a blanket email to make it more about herself than about Logan. She would call them and explain it to them herself. But at least Logan would know what was going on without her having to see him…

9 years Later

"I need your help, Veronica." His voice was so familiar, with its hint of reluctance, achingly so.

She took a breath, felt her walls come up. "I…don't really do that….anymore…"

"Look, just…hear me out, ok? I…well, I'm sure you've seen what I have been up to lately on TMZ. Hell, the whole world knows. I have been getting bombarded with lawyers, claiming to want to represent me. I need your advice on which might really want to help me and who just want their name on the 'National Enquirer' cover this week. Please, Veronica? Just think about it. I can book you a flight and you could be here and gone before you would even have to look at me much. Just a quick extended weekend."

Closing her eyes, she could see Logan as he was in college, as he was when she had last seen him in person. Her heart was beating wildly in her throat, her brain pleading with her voice to not give away how his voice weakened her resolve about the past nine years. How could she even _think _of going back to Neptune, even for a few days? And yet, with this phone call, she could feel herself being pulled back in. She shook her head. "Logan. How can I really help you? I haven't seen you in—"

"Nine years, 4 months, and 3 days. Yeah, I know. Let's cut the specifics. No need to get all nostalgic-like. I know you're a lawyer now, I know you know how the system works around here, and I trust only you. No one around gives a shit about me, they just want a fall guy. Please."

_Please._ "Look, I'm finishing up a job interview today. And, by the way, I'm not officially a lawyer yet. But I can't just jump on a plane-"

Logan cut her off. "If you jumped on a plane, you would be finished with what I need from you by tomorrow night at the latest. I'll pay for your ticket—and you can have a leisurely weekend with your dad. A job interview? That means you wouldn't have to take off work. It's the middle of the week—they wouldn't hire you to start this week anyway. Just come out, and you could leave on Saturday or Sunday, your choice, on me. Please."

Veronica closed her eyes, picturing her dad and a nice little "getaway" from her reality. It sounded…fun? A little bit, actually. "Logan…." Breathing in, she slowly let the air out of her lungs to calm her nerves. "Of course, I'll come….I can't just….leave you out to dry. Have you made appointments with any of the lawyers?"

Logan breathed out an obvious sigh of relief. "If you would be available to fly out tonight, I'm sure I can get them all here tomorrow. I could reserve the day for that, and you could spend the rest of the weekend with your dad—even go to the Reunion on Friday."

Veronica felt the bubble of laughter catch in her throat and she coughed, "Uh, yeah, sure. Perfect."

He didn't seem to catch her sarcasm. "Great, I'll text you the details. I'll work on getting you a flight, what time will you be available to leave and which airport? I hear you're in New York now." Logan paused. "No sunny California for you, huh?"

She chose to ignore that. "I am in New York. I should be wrapping this up within the hour, I will need to pack and tie up some loose strings….I don't know, maybe 3 here? La Guardia or JFK, it really doesn't matter. Just make sure I know which one to go to."

She got back to the apartment at noon. Logan had text her with the flight information and according to the schedule, she would be to San Diego by 7 that night. Not exactly how she had planned the rest of her week, this morning, she figured she would be spending the evening with Piz celebrating a possible job offer and now…Neptune.

Piz was quiet as she explained the phone call and her choice to return to California. The look on his face told her he wasn't pleased, but wasn't going to try to stop her from the choice she had made. He gently reminded her of the last time HE had seen Logan-and wished her a good trip. He stood outside their apartment and bid her farewell with a soft kiss. And then she was off.

The plane ride was smooth. As she checked in, she was handed a First Class ticket, and as took it, she couldn't help but roll her eyes in amusement. Most of her trips of late had consisted of being as far to the back of the bus as possible, with no amenities to speak of. But Logan would offer nothing less than the best. She leaned back and settled in, preparing herself for what was to come.

Veronica hadn't seen or spoken to Logan in 9 years. She had spent those years forgetting her "roots" and reverting back to what she called "Pre-Lilly" and moved on with her life. She kept in contact with Mac and Wallace of course they were her solid ground to reach for when she looked back to those previous times. Her dad was her dad, and he was the cheerleader on the sidelines of her life and never questioned her reluctance to turn back to Neptune.

About a year before, she had resumed her relationship with Piz. They had run into each other at a fundraising event and they exchanged numbers. The month they ran into each other was a month that Veronica had been having doubts about staying in New York-she had been feeling a little caged in and bored with the routine of law school, but when Piz came along, it felt like a sign to stay put. Within a few short months, they had fell into a comfortable pattern that was familiar and easy, and Veronica felt like a relationship was just what she had needed to fill the gap she had been feeling previously.

The few times she had been back to Neptune was for only a day or two, and as isolated as she could manage. Mostly, everyone came to see her. And they never mentioned Logan first. Never. It had been a good two years previous, when Mac was visiting, since Veronica brought his name up. She had seen his name on the cover of a tabloid in a grocery store aisle as they were waiting to check out, and she pointed it out.

Mac had smiled a knowing smile, and confirmed the story about Logan dating "Bonnie Deville." "It's Carrie Bishop, you know, Bonnie Deville is just her stage name. I wonder how real the relationship is though—he is a fighter pilot for the Navy now. Never home, from what I hear—he lives with Dick Casablancas on the beach in one of those pristine beach houses only the Uber-Rich can afford. Dick surfs all day and Logan pays the bills and flies. "

Veronica's walls had definitely come up with that information, and she fought hard to keep her face impassive while saying, "That doesn't sound like the Logan I know."

Mac had just given her a hard stare, and then quietly said, "We're all a lot different than we were then, you know? It's been 7 years since all that went down—thank God. Logan had to grow up some time. He mooned over you for the whole of 3 years while we finished out Hearst and finally got his act together and found a calling. I think it's good for him. It works." She had pulled out her wallet to pay the checker, "Him and Carrie are not like you two were. They don't quite fit somehow. He's too straight and narrow for her."

That had caused Veronica to pause. Logan, on the straight and narrow? Never would she have pictured those words in the same sentence with Logan's name. And now she was about to see just how much he had really changed.


	2. Chapter 2

9 Years Ago, July

Logan sat back in his chair, stunned. Rubbing his eyes, he re-read the email in front of him. Transferring to Stanford, Veronica? Not looking back, no chance of that. Cut your ties and run. Nothing new to Logan, but this was far-reaching, even for Veronica.

He stood, and began to pace. All that was running through his mind was how much he hated himself, causing so much grief and destruction everywhere he turned. How was he supposed to move on without ever seeing her again? Well, this email was an all-points bulletin if there ever was one. She didn't want to see him again, and he would be damned before he chased her around any longer. She never appreciated anything he did for her anyway.

He thought back over the past few months, at how hard he had been trying to be normal. How dating Parker was just a way to convince himself that he didn't need Veronica, that he could be a loving and doting boyfriend and not suffocating or overprotective. Parker was the sign of normalcy, to prove that he could move on swiftly and easily love someone, _anyone_, that wasn't Veronica. He rolled his eyes, thinking about how little Parker actually knew him. She should have realized that he had been drunk for over half of their relationship, just so he could numb his brain into liking her better.

And then the sex tape had come into play, and the fury…well, Parker had it right. As much as Logan hated to admit it, deep down he knew Piz would never have posted that video. But it had felt so right to just take it out on someone, anyone, and Piz was available, so there it was. Piz got his comeuppance for even trying to be with Veronica, and Logan had gotten to protect her once again, even if it wasn't necessarily justified.

So when he had his chance to rectify the situation, he took it. There was no way he would stand there and let some holier-than-thou asshole talk to her the way Gory had talked to her. He had looked up at Veronica and saw her appreciation but apprehension in her eyes. That was the last time he had seen her. After finals, she had left right away for some internship in D.C. He had figured that was a good thing, to maybe give her some time to cool down and realize she missed him. But now…

What did he have, if he didn't have her? Not a lot. His past and all that he knew was wrapped up with Veronica Mars. It never used to bother him before, but thinking hard about it, he realized how alarming that really was. What about him, and what he could be for himself or even for others?

Suddenly, he knew he needed direction. Veronica had direction, she had known for years that she wanted a life in the FBI and was taking the necessary steps to make that happen. She had never frittered away her time like Logan had. She played to her strengths, her sharp mind and quick wit got her places most people couldn't even fathom. So what were Logan's strengths? Did he even have any?

He looked around the suite, past the window overlooking Neptune, past the fireplace, to the huge big screen with the video game on pause from the earlier gaming session with Dick. Okay…his strengths were being quick with his hands and sitting in a high rise. Not a lot to go with.

Maybe he could head down to campus and take a career test or something. They had offered that at the beginning of last year and he had turned it down, but he remembered them saying that he could take the test at any time. Surely a test like that would take into consideration the things that Logan wouldn't even think would matter or be an attribute to a career, and at least could give him an idea of what would be a good fit or a good goal to have.

Feeling a resolve that he hadn't felt in a long time, Logan grabbed his keys and headed out the door. Veronica was still impacting him more than she even knew. This one decision of hers was changing the course of his year and hopefully, the course of his future.

Throughout the next few years, Logan was driven. He kept his head down and ignored everything around him, which was what he did best at his worst times. He finished up Hearst and then enlisted in the Navy, which was what the placement test surprisingly had revealed to him as a good fit. It shocked him a how much his personality fit into the rigid rules of a military life. He loved flying, remarkably, his quick hands and sharp eye _did _amount to something, and his need to protect was valued in the Navy. It was as close to peace as he had felt in a long time, and he thrived.

The few times he came back to Neptune, he crashed at Dick's—Dick, with his carefree, surfing ways. Dick had bought a surf shop near Dog Beach and had a beach house built in the 09er zip code, but otherwise never seemed to change. Always at the hippest parties—but Logan knew Dick still just kept on keeping on so as to not have to deal with anything more than he could handle. It worried Logan, a lot, how Dick was always a little buzzed and a little high, but he supposed it worked for Dick, and was reluctant to really try to help him when Dick wasn't ready to be helped. Logan hoped someday Dick would wake from his fog to maybe see that there was a lot more to life than magic brownies.

One weekend trip back to Neptune, about seven years after what Logan referred to as "the big change," Dick had had a party at the beach house and invited a lot of their 09er friends from high school. Carrie Bishop had been there, and Logan and she had started talking about things. He saw something in her eyes, her presence that really reminded of him of his broken mother—the lost, disconnected aura she put out that just made want to wrap her up and put her in a safe place. She had no real sense of direction except her music, which was quickly becoming more of a thing outside of the Neptune clubs. She had a single out that had just hit the radio and was slowly starting to gain some fame.

He liked that she seemed weak, that she seemed to enjoy his help. He liked that she was not blond, quick witted, or feisty. And most of all, he liked that she was like a project to him, where he could work on her problems for a while and easily set her aside when he had to focus on the Navy, which was often.

Not long after that visit, Logan began visiting Neptune a lot more often. He and Carrie had run into Mac in a coffee shop one morning. Logan had felt like maybe he hadn't come off as very loving towards Carrie that day—he was just a little flummoxed as to what to say or even ask Mac, and so figured it probably came off as if Carrie was just the fling of the week. Mac had seemed really good—she mentioned that Wallace was applying for an assistant coaching job at Neptune High and that she was freelancing a little for a while, looking for work in the slow job market.

"And, I'm sure you probably haven't heard, but Veronica has decided that the FBI is not her calling. She headed to Columbia, she's working hard to become an ambulance chaser, can you believe it?" Logan could tell Mac deliberately was keeping her voice free of inflection.

Logan had felt his eyebrows rise in surprise, and he had to work hard to keep his voice devoid of emotion as he said, "Really? Joining the ranks of McCormick, huh? They should open an office together."

Mac had shrugged, and just replied, "Mars and McCormick, quite a ring to it, I suppose."

Carrie had just stood by quietly, just watching the exchange. Although the two of them hadn't really talked a lot about Veronica, he knew that Carrie was aware of at least some of their history, and so he knew she wouldn't question too much the little that Mac had divulged. He just wanted to be careful to not reveal too much of how he actually was craving more information.

But then Mac had excused her self and left the shop, leaving Logan to quietly ponder the news she had shared. Why had Veronica changed her mind about the FBI? She was a natural fit for the Bureau, it didn't seem possible that she would want to leave that behind. But he reminded himself that people change. That the way people are at 19 is not the way people are at 24, thank God. He was living proof of that fact.

2 years Later

He was in trouble. Trouble with a capitol T. What was he going to do? Carrie was dead. _Dead._ Logan felt the beginnings of a panic attack, the anger and horror from the past few days settling at the bottom of his stomach. What had happened to Carrie? Carrie, who he always figured if she died young, it would be by her own hands, had been _murdered. _And the whole town, no, scratch that, the whole _country_ thought he, Logan Echolls, had done it.

Dick had bailed him out. When they had gotten into the car, he had looked at Logan hard, and just commented, "Dude, I think you need a good lawyer."

The ride to the beach house had been in silence. Logan stared out the window, trying to figure it all out. No one in the whole town even cared a tiny bit about him. Sheriff Lamb had gleefully locked him into the holding cell all but rubbing his hands together with a maniacal laugh, the look in his eye telling Logan that little would be done to get the truth of what had actually happened. As far as Balboa County was concerned, they had their man. And that man was Logan.

As Dick parked his car, Logan got out and headed straight into the house and to the computer. He googled Cindy Mackenzie and found out she was working for Kane Software and her office number and extension was listed right in plain view for anyone to access. Without giving it a second thought, he picked his cell up and dialed the number, and was immediately put through.

"Cindy Mackenzie." Mac calm voice filled the line.

"Hi, Mac."

He could almost see her eyes growing wide.

"Logan?"

"You sound surprised to hear my voice. You can't have missed what's going on in my life, I wouldn't think. What's new with you?" He had to keep this conversation light because he could feel his tendency to have a snarky comment bubbling up. He quickly squelched it down.

He heard her intake of breath, and then, "Logan? Of course I know what's going on, are you all right? I mean, as much as I don't want this to come out as being…insensitive…but at a time like this, what are you doing, calling me?"

He blew out a sigh, closed his eyes. "Well, funny thing. I need…a number. NO, actually, not just A number, I need her number. Please don't make me ask twice."

Mac softly laughed. "I should have known. She isn't here, Logan. She's in New York."

"Well, let me figure out the specifics. Can I just have her number?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I know nothing about the Navy. But I found it a little odd that they just left Logan with no legal advice in the film. I am trying to approach it and then move on, just to at least acknowledge their presence at some point. Please forgive my ignorance and just go with it! Also, I no nothing about most things except I love these characters. And my mind has been going non-stop since the movie about some of the scenes that should have been expanded on, so here is my take on them. My next chapter will be a few days. I had this all stored up, and now I need to correspond with the scenes in the film.  
**

Chapter 3

It took him two days to get the courage up to call her. They had arrested him Sunday morning, he had spent that day and most of Monday in jail and bail hearings, and then called Mac that Monday afternoon…and then had sat on her number all of Tuesday. Wednesday morning, after dialing her number and hanging up twice, he just did it. He let it keep ringing until she answered it.

He wasn't sure what to say to her at first. But with her first snarky, "So…what's new with you?" He flushed away any of the pleasantries he might have had and got down to business. He figured that Mac must have talked to her—the question Veronica had just posed was the same he had posed to Mac, and that was too much of a coincidence. Just knowing that she had been a little forewarned put his guard down and made him able to focus on the bare facts of what he wanted from her.

The interest in her voice was evident and he could almost hear the wheels in her head turning as she listened to his request. Amazingly, it went much better than he planned and was a little shocked at how quickly she agreed to help him.

After that was done, he was busy organizing a plane ticket for her and scheduling lawyers. They really had been bombarding him with phone calls, which maddened him. It also confused and intimidated him. He had talked to the JAG corps, who had requested his presence at 1600 hours, which should give him plenty of time to get from base to the airport to pick Veronica up at 1900 hours. He knew that the Navy couldn't help him in this situation, as it was considered a Civilian case, but they wanted to go over a little of it anyway, and what the repercussions the case could potentially lead to. Hopefully, they weren't going to discharge him tonight. It made Logan sick, thinking of all he had worked for being so cruelly taken away from him in a moment.

He decided to dress for success. Not only would it impress them at base, It wouldn't hurt to show up at the airport in uniform, to at least, perhaps, impress upon Veronica that he had grown up, slightly. But if she asked, he would definitely make a point to tell her it was because of the JAG corps. Not for her. He kept telling himself it was for the meeting at 4 that he put on his Service Dress Whites. It was nothing but an inconvenience that he had to meet Veronica straight from that conference, and he most likely wouldn't have time to change. In fact, he supposed if he wasn't careful with his time, he might have to just meet her curbside.

The meeting lasted approximately an hour. He was disheartened by the Navy's lack of interest in his case, but had prepared for worse news, and so he had pretty much just escaped to his car and jetted out of there before they had a change of heart and formally discharged him. The good news was that they were not going to change his deployment date until he was formally charged with a crime. Logan hoped that tomorrow's interviews would yield even better news, like that Lamb had found the real killer.

So Logan had two hours to while away and he was 20 minutes from the airport. Great. He planned that down to a science. He pulled into short term parking still deciding what to do. He could wait here or go in, or even buy a cheap ticket to some place and then just meet her at her gate. Standing out by baggage claim seemed a little depressing, waiting with all those that had loved ones arriving –watching as they reunited happily. If he could get past security, he could guarantee a pretty sterile reunion between the two of them—and knowing Veronica, they wouldn't even need to stop at baggage claim anyway.

As the passengers around her eagerly filled the aisle of the plane to head toward the exit, Veronica held back, even though she was in First Class and could get off immediately. She needed a moment longer to calm her nerves before she reentered her past, back to a place in time that she had so casually discarded. The California air was just different than anywhere else on earth. Slowly she gathered her items up and grabbed her carry on and headed off the plane.

As she stepped out of the gateway, she saw him. Her breath caught in her throat and she felt her steps falter as though time had slowed for a moment. Her heart sped up though, which made no sense to her suddenly fogged up brain. Her eyes took him in, slowly. Tall and regal. Never in her life had she thought of Logan as regal. She felt her lips turn up in a slow smile, and saw him smiling back, his eyes smiling in a sad sort of way.

"Hey, there," Logan said, quietly. He held his cap at his side, and wore Naval whites—Mac had not been lying about the Navy. His head dipped down in a nod and he just looked at her.

"Hi." She couldn't help but just stare at him, to see how much he had changed. He seemed to have thinned out dramatically in nine years, but the lines and age in his face only made him better looking. He had a short haircut, with no sign of the blond tips that had been trademark for him in his younger years. It made her feel a little intimidated, standing there in front of him, in her raincoat and crumpled travel wear, bedraggled from a flight across the country, with him in his crisp suit. Shaking herself out of her reverie, she felt a nervous giggle escape her lips, and to hide it she stepped forward to give him an awkward hug. As she pulled away from him, she joked, "You weren't planning on carrying me through the airport were you?"

Logan looked away for a second, with a small smile replied, "Uh, no, I just met with JAG core, so…fun bunch of guys."

Veronica smiled and gestured at his suit, "I, uh, had heard…of course…but I couldn't fully picture it…." She paused. "Uh…You should only wear this…like ever."

He chose to bypass the last comment. He gestured towards her luggage, "Let me?"

As she handed over her bag, she suddenly realized, "How did you get through security?"

Logan smiled. "I bought a $49 ticket to Palm Springs. Totally worth it."

The ride to Mars Investigations was quiet. She wasn't sure what to say, so she focused on texting Mac and Wallace that she had arrived and made arrangements for them to come to her dad's later in the evening. They pulled up to a stop in front of the building that now housed the P.I. firm and Logan popped the trunk and got out of the car. Veronica followed suit.

She approached the trunk as Logan was pulling her carry on out and handed it to her. "I imagine your dad is pretty excited to see you."

Smiling, Veronica responded, "I'm surprising him."

Logan took a breath, and turned back to shut the trunk. "So…are you going to ask if I did it?"

She looked up into his eyes, and shook her head. "I wouldn't be here if I thought you did."

Looking down, Logan said, "Well, that makes one person on my side. Well, two, if you count Dick."

"Certainly once we find you a good defense lawyer, you can prove your case. It can't be as bad as they are painting in the tabloids, can it?"

He blew out a sigh, and stepped up to the door to open it for her, "It's not good, that's for certain. The local law here is worse than it was when we were in high school. I actually miss Don Lamb, if you can believe that. At least he would eventually listen to reason. Dan Lamb is an imbecile. He just takes circumstantial evidence and stops there. He just wants someone to be guilty, whether they are or not. The first convenient explanation is good enough for him." As Veronica stepped into the building, Logan stepped back toward his car. "See you in the morning. The first lawyer is supposed to be there at eleven, will that work for you? I can pick you up."

She looked back at him. "Eleven is fine, but don't worry about the ride. I should be able to use Dad's car. You can just text me the address. I assume you've moved on from the Grand."

Logan chuckled, shaking his head. "Wow, I haven't really thought of that place in a long time. Yeah. I suppose I have moved on from that place. I'm staying with Dick for a while until this all blows over. No real need for a place when in less than a month I should be deployed to parts unknown… or convicted. Maybe I should go see what the rooms look like at the State Pen, maybe pick out a bunk mate."

Veronica paused. "Please, Logan…you won't be convicted. You didn't do it…that should become clear soon enough. I'll see you in the morning. Text me the address, don't forget. Have a good night."

With that, she stepped further into the hall and heard the front door shut softly behind her.


	4. Chapter 4 Realizing I missed you

**A/N: So I am really new to Fanfic. I am taking the liberty in thinking that anyone reading this will have seen the movie, that the reader will know already about Logan's leaked "home" video and the scene with Veronica and Keith watching the cops with the man that got Tasered. I just would prefer to write about Logan and Veronica's important scenes and thoughts. Also, I did adjust for the review about the NA and timeline of Carrie and Logan's relationship. With the NA, I looked into it a little, but wasn't clear on that front; so thank you for the input. And with the previous 4 years I had as Logan's time with Carrie-I was actually just thinking "2 years" was a basis of their "serious" relationship, and that perhaps Logan had taken liberties in the "2 year" department, that maybe it had been a little over a year of the good relationship and then a little longer for the bad, and that they had taken some time apart before she died...but I fixed it to coincide with what he said in the film. Please let me know if you all hate or like what I am doing here. I am very pleased with the way C4 has turned out...but I like to hear your thoughts as well. Thanks! Enjoy (hopefully) There is slight language in this to reflect the same thoughts in the movie.  
**

Chapter 4

Logan watched as Veronica disappeared into the building. He closed his eyes, and then turned back toward his car. When she had stepped off the plane this evening, he had felt his heart jump to his throat and suddenly he was that young teenager completely under her spell. But he had quickly sensed her nervousness so he had been the consummate gentleman he was trained to be. He didn't allow any of his 19-year-old quips out of his mouth; he had just looked away, took a breath, and let them roll right off his shoulders. He needed her to see that he had grown up and away from his reckless behavior of the past. He wasn't going to allow her to get to him that way ever again.

For one thing, he couldn't afford to piss her off. Not when he needed her here, with her expertise in all things legal. His renowned anger management issues could not come into play until this whole thing blew over. He remembered how it was in high school, every time he was in trouble. Without her, here, helping him, he was screwed.

But he also couldn't help but take her in, the way her hair framed her face, and her smile, that was so familiar—he felt like he was home when he was with her. Even after nine years, there was no other feeling to compare to how he felt when he was near her. She was no longer a girl in body; she had filled out wonderfully, and everything about her was more perfect. She still had small remnants of who she used to be—black polish on her nails, minimal to no jewelry, little make up. Dark clothing and her 'Kick ass and take names later' attitude worn like a second skin.

Coming out of his musing, Logan got into his midnight blue BMW and pulled out into the street and toward Dick's. He needed to get some rest and focus on what was important—find a lawyer and figure out what would help build a case to prove his innocence. He didn't have time to daydream about a girl he hadn't seen since college—she didn't come here to rekindle a relationship that had been buried for years, the most he could expect from her was whatever she chose to give him. At this point, it was just legal advice and her presence, and so Logan was just going have to accept that as enough.

Veronica was exhausted from the full day of interviews with slimy lawyers. Her dad had needed the car, so he had dropped her off just before eleven that morning at the beach house. Logan had set up about 6 appointments throughout the course of the day, which had proved clearly why he had been desperate for her advice. The choices were not very cut and dry. Each of the attorneys seemed to have a smarmy air that set Veronica's teeth on edge. There had only been one, Jackson Fredrick, who seemed like he might believe Logan's story as the truth and not just a way to gain notoriety. At least he acted uninterested in the opportunity of fame.

Logan had been showing the last of their interviewees out the door, and as he came back into the kitchen, Veronica blew a sigh out and told him her opinion.

"You know, that last contestant mentioned something that was interesting." She turned to look at him, as he was opening a can of soda. He quirked his eyes at her, so she continued, "Part of clearing you will be finding a compelling alternative theory."

Logan pause, setting the soda back onto the counter. He turned to look at her. "You decided to leave tomorrow instead of Sunday?"

Taken aback, Veronica nodded, "Um, yeah, nine a.m."

Nodding, Logan slowly asked, "Can I…buy you a drink?"

She took a breath and looked down. Part of her felt a little thrilled at the invitation. Really, what would one drink hurt? It meant nothing. It didn't have to mean anything. It could be another nine years before she was back here, with him. She felt a little pleased with the thought that she could have this last evening out with him and store the memory away for when she got back to New York. No one would ever have to know about it, it could be her little secret. She nervously rubbed her hands together, and felt her mouth turn up in a small smile. "Uh, yeah, sure. Where should we go?"

Logan was glad she had agreed to go out to grab a quick drink. It could conceivably be the last time _ever_ that he saw her. He needed to store as many memories of her as possible. As much as he hated thinking about her getting on that plane the next morning, leaving him once again, he knew it was necessary. He had been a little disappointed in how the day had gone, even though it had gone pretty much the way it should have. Although Veronica was focused on the task at hand, Logan had planned that there would be a small lull between a couple of the attorney's arrivals. He had thought maybe during a lunch break, they could have a conversation beyond the case. But then the business of the leaked sex tape had happened. Instead of relaxing and catching up a bit, they had concentrated on what the implications might be from that.

Plus, Veronica's comment about finding a compelling alternative theory had given Logan pause. Grabbing a drink sounded innocuous, but he knew that Veronica would appreciate his true motivation once revealed. He reasoned that if she actually saw Ruby Jetson in all her glory at the karaoke bar tonight, she might agree with him about his suspicions regarding BonnieFanGirl 23. He also knew showing instead of just telling Veronica about Ruby would be fun. He might see the spark in her eyes that he had been watching for all day, the ferocious Bobcat emerging.

Veronica was a little surprised at Logan's choice of a bar. It was dark and old, with nets and anchors decorating the wood-paneled walls. It didn't seem quite flashy enough, but then Logan probably was looking for a low-key kind of place where the paparazzi would not be lurking outside.

As she settled down into her seat, she glanced over to a group of jersey-wearing men singing karaoke up on a platform in the far corner. They were off-key and seemed extremely drunk. Veronica flashed back to her days at the Java the Hut and karaoke nights there. Those nights had been painful on her ears, just as this was right now. Time had not seemed to produce more talented people in Neptune.

She caught Logan eyeing her as he sat down in his chair. His eyes seemed filled with an emotion she couldn't quite name, almost wistful. As if he, too, were remembering the days he would meet her after her shift and they sat in the back of Java the Hut, drinking coffee and sharing a slice of cheesecake during karaoke night. Quickly, she grabbed a drink menu and looked it over.

The group of singing men left the stage, and the announcer welcomed the next singer, Ruby Jetson, up. Veronica's interest perked up as the woman made her way up to the microphone. "Who is that?"

Logan's eyebrows quirked up and he rolled his eyes. "That is Bonnie Deville's biggest fan. I found her hiding in Carrie's closet a couple of months ago."

More than one person in the crowd started booing as Ruby began her rendition of Bonnie Deville's "Holding My Breathe." The negative reaction didn't even phase Ruby as she continued to sing. Veronica felt indignation for her, so she called out to some of them to knock it off. The lead singer of the previous group shook his head and mumbled, "This is the fifth Bonnie Deville song she's sang _tonight." _

"Yeah, well that's what she does." Logan handed her his cell phone, cued on an email. "Hey, so…this showed up in my inbox ten minutes after Carrie was killed."

Veronica took the cell and read, "Every ending brings a new beginning. Now we can be together.'"

"My compelling alternative theory."

She looked up at Logan in surprise. "_She _sent you this?" Veronica quickly looked back at Ruby Jetson, and felt a selfish little twinge of regret as she realized what Logan's true motivation was for this field trip to the Beach Comber. She felt a little foolish even thinking that he might have wanted to spend any time with her beyond helping out with his case. When had she reverted back to adolescence? Of course Logan would only be driven to clear his name. Well, she could work with that. She always had been good at taking cues—but she had seemed to miss this one. As she turned back to face him, she let the walls rise back up around her.

"Well, it was from Bonnie Fan 23, but if I had to guess…."Logan trailed off, looking past Veronica's shoulder.

She followed his gaze, and saw that Ruby had left the stage and was approaching the two of them. Suddenly, Ruby leaned in to Logan, crooning. During a pause in the verse, she whispered, "I miss her, too," erotically in Logan's ear, but loud enough for Veronica to hear. Veronica saw Logan visibly shudder. Then Ruby seemed to realize Logan was with someone. She turned to glare at Veronica. "Why did you bring _her_?"

This little performance made Veronica forget her embarrassment over what she had thought Logan was wanting out of the evening. Ruby was crazy, that much was clear. She was obsessed, and not ashamed about showing it. Veronica could see why Logan wanted to show her first hand the way Ruby was fixated on Bonnie Deville.

The song continued, and Ruby moved on from their place at the bar. The two of them kept watching her until the song finished and a new singer was introduced. Logan gestured to the door, "Shall we?"

Veronica was surprised that Logan hadn't ordered a drink, being that he had asked her out for one. But she internally chuckled to herself as he pulled out his wallet and left a bill on the counter. The price he pays for a quiet night out, she reasoned. He still had to pay in order to ensure that there wouldn't be a story about his evening in the papers in the morning. What a way to live.

They walked out to his car in silence, and he opened the passenger door for her. She slid into the BMW, relishing the soft feel of the smooth leather seat. Logan shut the door and made his way over to the driver's side. Veronica let her eyes follow him. She had missed seeing the way he moved, and even the way he smelled. She could smell the faint scent of his cologne in the interior of the car, and it made her pulse quicken as it caused her to recall the times they had spent together when they were younger. She remembered everything about that time, even though it pained her to admit it. In the past few years, there had been moments (many, in fact) when she would see some small thing that would remind her of him and she would have to physically shake herself out of her musing. Not that she could or would admit it to Logan….but she was glad for these added few hours he had just given her with him. It was wonderful to have a new and positive memory of Logan as a mature man instead of the angry adolescent from her past, attacking Gory. She could now remember his sweet smile, his lean figure, his deep, brown eyes….and think back on him as a calm force instead of destructive one.

Logan got into the car and started the ignition, and pulled the car out of the lot and onto the highway. They were only a mile or so from her dad's house, so the ride was short. Once there, he pulled up along the curb, shutting the car off and hopping out before Veronica had time to even open her door. Just as she was about to, he was there, doing it for her. She let herself pretend that they were on a real date and let him open it without comment. Then she let him walk her to her dad's front door. But just to be safe and not get too caught up in the moment, she said, "That girl is certifiable! You know, you should show that email to your lawyer."

Logan snickered. "Yeah, that's a good thing you said that. I had it ear marked for the scrap book." He followed her up the front steps and they both turned to look at each other. Logan looked down at the ground, and put his hands in his pockets. He met her eyes with his. "Thank you, Veronica. Nine years of radio silence and yet, I still kind of knew, deep down, I could count on you."

She flushed. "About those nine years…."

"Yeah….bygones…."

He smiled, in a kind way that made Veronica feel a little bit unsettled. She took a deep breath, wanting to explain and make excuses, but instead, "I didn't get a chance to say before, I'm really sorry about Carrie" came out of her mouth.

Logan shrugged. "It's funny, you know? I mean, we had a good first year. A year of being…"he glanced away and then looked straight into her eyes, "in love…then her shitty friends, her self-loathing kind of destroyed that. I mean, you think I have demons? She was…."

Veronica knew. All at once, she knew. He had really loved Carrie. With the torture in his eyes, the sadness in his voice, there was no way she could deny that he had loved her. She didn't want to listen anymore. But she was standing here, with him, and she couldn't walk away, she couldn't put her hands over her ears. She had no say and no right to even make him stop talking, but it hurt her. She honestly felt a hole in her heart, and it was getting wider and deeper with every word he was saying. And she felt like a bitch for even feeling a little bit jealous of a dead woman.

Logan kept going, talking about how it had been the last little while, but Veronica wasn't even listening. She caught the last little bit, about it being a funny thing, he as a stabilizing influence. "Logan, you're going to get through this."

"Am I? Well, I guess it has been a charmed life." The tears were evident in his eyes. "You take care of yourself, Veronica." He leaned in, and kissed her softly on the forehead.

Veronica watched as Logan turned to leave, heading back to his car. She was so shocked at her own reaction to what he had just told her, she just stood there, gazing at him. What was she thinking? There was no way Logan was thinking of her in any romantic way, and here she was, wishing she was Carrie, so that the emotion in his eyes would be for her instead? Abruptly, she turned and walked through the front door.

As she entered, she could hear the TV on, and she saw her dad asleep on the couch. She sat down next to him, and turned the volume up when she saw that the media news was talking about Logan. They were going on and on about his guilt, and that no one thought he was innocent.

How was she supposed to leave him here and be fed to the wolves? Logan had been right when he had said no one here even cared. The town had made up their minds, and without any more evidence to the contrary, Logan would be lynched in the town square soon. It was evidenced in the way she had seen the cops react the night before with her dad. There was no way that anyone around here would even bother to look deeper into this.

She thought back to how she had left nine years ago. How she had given Logan no real reason as to why she had left. Hell, she had sent a damn email! There was no excuse for how she had treated him then. She had to right that. What was her motto back then? The one who stays is the hero. Well, she sure had run when it worked for her. How could she live with herself if she didn't do all she could for him now? He wasn't just some client; he was Logan, _her _Logan. Even if she wasn't his any longer, she could give him this. She could give him a little bit more of her time, and she could leave Neptune with a clear conscious with no regrets.

Veronica went into the extra room and pulled out a box of her packed up belongings that were in a storage trunk. Her old Taser, her leather messenger bag. Old IDs and pepper spray. Things that she had given up years ago to make way for a different, calmer life. Hadn't it been better since then? Well, it had definitely been different. But is different always better? To be honest, it had bored the shit of her.


	5. Chapter 5What I will give

**A/N I added a scene in here that I think could have feasibly happened in some form. The dialogue is also changed around, because it just worked better for my piece. Hopefully it works for you also ;)**

Chapter 5

Logan awoke to the ping of a new text on his cell phone the next morning. He sat up and reached for it, rubbing his eyes at the same time. As he read what the text said, he felt a shock go through him.

"_I delayed my flight until Sunday. I'm heading to Ruby Jetson's place soon. Wanna come? Be here at 9 if you do. I want to see what this girl is really about."_

Veronica never could walk away from a good mystery. Deep down, Logan admitted to himself that the whole reason he had taken her to see Ruby was because of the slight possibility that she would get hooked into staying just a little longer. It wasn't just to see if she agreed with his suspicion, it was to intrigue her. He smiled as he realized he still knew her, and knew what she couldn't walk away from. No matter the years between them, there was a natural instinct that they each had in knowing how the other one ticked. Her decision to stay proved that.

Glancing at the time, he saw he had time for a quick shower and a bite to eat before he had to leave to make it in time. He shot off a quick text back to her, and went to get ready.

* * *

Logan pulled up to the Mars' residence five minutes to nine. He debated whether to ring the doorbell or just wait for her in the car. He got out and headed around the front of car, still deciding. Looking towards the house, he could actually see through the window in the front door that Veronica was talking to her dad, so he decided to just wait against the BMW for her to come to him. He wondered if Mr. Mars was chastising Veronica for staying another day. Logan did not want anything to do with that conversation. He figured Keith would probably think that Logan had begged Veronica to work the case…which, maybe he had, subliminally. Keith had always seemed to assume the worst about Logan, and he figured that probably hadn't changed in nine years plus a charge of murder. He imagined he was safer outside waiting.

He kept his eyes on the porch and soon Veronica was exiting and heading towards him. She looked different this morning compared to yesterday when she had arrived at the beach house. She had foregone the girly handbag for a studded leather messenger bag…which Logan immediately recognized from Hearst. He would bet his life that inside he would find her trademark camera and Taser. She had on a black striped shirt under a black leather jacket and he saw at once that spark in her eyes he had been eagerly looking for last night at the bar. He felt his mouth twist into a goofy smile, and heard himself say, "You should only wear this."

He shouldn't have said it, or at least, it should have embarrassed him. But the look she gave him made him glad for his words; it clearly said that she felt the same. He opened her door and she slid in. She handed him a slip of paper with an address written on it, and he punched it into the car's GPS and they were on their way.

* * *

Logan and Veronica separated not long after checking out Ruby's apartment. Logan needed to contact the law firm that he had decided on, and had other errands that had to be done before the weekend set in. Veronica had him drop her off at Mars Investigations, where she was setting up a way to get into Ruby's place. It made Logan a little uncomfortable thinking about how exactly she was going to do that. It wasn't his place anymore to even warn her to be careful, but it had almost come out of his mouth. He remembered how angry she used to get at him when he would act too protective over her safety. Regretfully, he had left her at the steps of the building, hoping she would take the right precautions.

That had been just around eleven that morning. He hadn't expected to hear from her for a few hours, but at three he had started to wonder about her. Just when he was getting worried, his phone rang and it was Veronica.

"Hey, whatcha doing?" Veronica's voice came on the line.

"Watching _Ellen_. The perks I enjoy are _endless,_" Logan quipped, to hide his alarm. Usually when she asked that type of question, something was wrong.

She proved his suspicion when she continued on without seeming to have heard him, "Well, _I _have just been having a nice long chat with Ruby Jetson down here at the Police Station." She lowered her voice, "Uh, I wondered if you might be willing to help me out of a jam?"

* * *

**Later That Night**

He could not believe what Veronica had talked him into doing. She had sounded so desperate on the phone that he had said yes before he had even heard what the favor was. Although, he still would have said yes, because Veronica had put herself on the line for him. He recognized that if Ruby…ahem, Della Pugh, pressed charges against Veronica, all her hard work at law school would be flushed down the toilet. Logan would never forgive himself for being even remotely involved in something that could destroy her. So he had gladly donned a suit jacket and obligingly rang Ruby's doorbell at 8 sharp while Veronica sat in the back seat of the BMW to chaperone.

For most of the evening, Veronica kept a comfortable distance away from them at the _09er._ He could read the disdain in her face as countless men approached her. Watching from the corner of his eye, he was getting immense pleasure just from her reactions to their obvious come-ons. More than once, he had to hide his amusement from Ruby by laughing at her obnoxious comments. He was having a great time, actually—just having Veronica in the club at the same time, giving attitude to the poor suckers that couldn't resist her—made him feel pretty lighthearted.

Eventually, Veronica had come to sit with them and the conversation had turned to the case. Ruby adamantly denied having anything to do with the murder; even supplying an alibi—which turned out was that she had been trying to get into the 09er. Veronica quickly confirmed it with the bouncer. Logan's heart sank. This was their one good lead and now it was squashed. If Ruby didn't kill Carrie, then who had?

The whole night, hell, the whole day actually, had been a bust since Ruby's alibi checked out. And now there were no other possible leads that he could think of, and without a viable lead, there would be no need for Veronica's help or any need for her to stay. She probably would change her plans, once again, and leave tomorrow morning, since nothing else was opening up. And once again, he was screwed.

Thankfully, the date was over soon. Before he knew it, Logan was being full-mouthed kissed goodnight by Ruby at her gate and walking back to where Veronica was standing, who was looking remorseful. Sympathetically, she said, "I am so sorry." She couldn't quite leave the laugh out of her voice as she continued, "and _so _grateful."

They stood looking at each other for a moment, and Logan just quietly said, "You flew across the country to help me. This was…easy." He nervously shuffled his feet, and put his hands in his pockets.

"We're all going to dinner tomorrow night… Mac and Wallace and me….you should come."

Logan felt his ears perk up at that. She was staying through the weekend, then. But he really couldn't picture having dinner with her friends at a time like this. Besides, he kind of selfishly wanted his memories of her exclusively his. "I don't think so. So…you're not going to the reunion either, then, huh?" She made a face. It reminded him of a conversation from years ago, and he couldn't contain himself, "What, you'd rather be spelunking?"

She caught on quickly, and grinned. "Strapped to an ant hill, actually."

He smirked, and then sobered as he realized, "I guess this is it, then."

She nodded, and he started for his side of the car, pulling his keys out. Then he heard her say, "We should take the long way home." He stopped and turned to look at her, but she just quickly passed him and slipped into the car.

He wasn't sure what the difference was, but this ride was different from all the others from the past two days. She seemed less guarded somehow. He found his eyes kept travelling to where she sat in her seat. He loved the way she seemed to be enjoying the ride, with her eyes closed and her face in the wind. There seemed to be a mutual understanding that this was like a final hoorah before they went on with their lives. He wanted to stamp it in his memory, the happiness and contentment he could see in her face. Maybe it would keep him satiated for the next nine years, this memory of her in his car, in his life even briefly.

Honestly, he didn't know how he could just let her walk away again. Here they were, together, but in such different places in their lives…if it wasn't so messed up, it could possibly work. Would she even want that? Her little request to take the long way had to mean something, didn't it? But if he were wrong, if he was reading into something that wasn't really there…he couldn't take the chance of being hurt again.

They arrived back to Keith's house and he walked her to her door for what was probably the last time. As much as the ride meant to him, Logan decided to let her set the pace of their good bye.

She turned to face him. "Thanks again, really. I think Ruby had a great night."

"Yeah, me too. She gave me her number. Maybe I should call her for a repeat." He grinned.

Veronica laughed out loud, "Oh, Logan. You always could make me laugh."

His grin widened. "Ah my best trait. I see old habits die hard."

She sobered, her voice soft, "It was good to see you again, Logan. I...I'm sorry it took such a horrendous reason for me to come back. I…I just couldn't before, do you understand that?" He gazed at her, unsure of what to say, and was a little surprised as she continued. "This place, Neptune…it really was more about what I had become here than anything. I needed normal in my life. Coming here, being here these few days…I see now that I just needed to balance the difference in my mind. Sometimes not knowing is the worst thing, at least for me."

He put his hands in his pockets, a little afraid of what he might be led to do with them otherwise. He took a breath, "When have you settled for not knowing? Veronica, if you wouldn't have left when you did, I wouldn't be who I am now. Not that my life at this very moment is so great—but, really, I like who I've become. I can't sit and wonder what might have been, you know? We made choices and we have become who we need to be. And that is as much as I can ask for." He leaned in, and kissed her forehead. "I am grateful that no matter what, I know you are here for me. I am here for you. I told you that long ago, and I have always meant it. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you." He stepped back, and smiled one last time. "You take care in New York. "

He left her then, staring after him. She had looked stunned at his little speech, and honestly, he was too. But he wouldn't regret the words, because he had needed to say them, he had needed to let her know in a subtle way that to him, she was and always would be a part of him. It was as much as he could give, and it was his last opportunity to say it. He had given her a part of him so many years ago, and now he could see that was why he couldn't give it to anyone else, because it Veronica owned it.

As he got back into his car, he thought about the words that she had said to him. He felt a small smile come to his lips as he realized she had referred to leaving as 'something she had needed' in a way that sounded almost…past tense. She had said it as if it wasn't something she needed now. He wondered if she even knew she had said it.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So, I was inspired to go down memory lane. Let me know if you like it. Hopefully you enjoy! Thanks for the comments!**

Veronica twisted in the bed, the light streaming through the window waking her. She rolled over to face the other side of the bed, and realized that there was another person with her. He lay on his side, his back to her. She smiled drowsily, and wrapped her arm over the top of him. "I've missed you so much…"

As he turned to face her, she took an involuntary gasp of breath and felt her eyes widen. Quickly, she hid her shock with a smile. "I still can't believe they roped you into coming out here for the reunion."

Piz grinned lazily back at her, "I never could resist Wallace's charm." His eyes turned mockingly serious, "You sure know how to party like its 1999. How's your head this morning?"

She couldn't quite meet his gaze as the past fourteen hours flashed before her eyes. Wallace and Mac had not only surprised her with the reunion, but Wallace had arranged for Piz to fly in Saturday night and leave this morning. She had been speechless. Veronica wasn't really ready to deal with Piz, because it had taken that whole day for her to come to the conclusion that when she returned to New York, she was going to break things off with him. Her reaction to Logan's speech had made it pretty clear, because nothing Piz had ever declared to her had made her heart race and her catch like Logan's declaration had.

She recalled the look in his eyes as they stood on the porch together, a yearning for her to listen and understand, maybe. He hadn't exactly said "call me," but still—Logan had always been careful with his words, she remembered from experience. Experience was also telling her that there had been a lot more to his words than just "I've got your back if you ever need a gunman." It was, "I'm waiting for you to come back to me." But the thing was he had put no pressure in his words. He hadn't left her with the feeling that she had to reason with him or give him excuses for the past nine years. She had spent the day weighing her decisions, and had deduced that the safest course of action was to let Piz down easy and just take the Logan thing a day at a time.

But coming to that conclusion and actually following through with it was something completely different. For starters, Piz had arrived right when all the action started at the reunion. Veronica decided then and there to just wait to talk to him in New York. Deep down she recognized cowardice for what it was.

She determined early on in the evening, though, that there was no way she would have sex with him. She couldn't hurt him that way, and really, she wasn't sure she could pretend to even want to. She knew they were over. So, again, she took the coward's way out, and had let him believe she had had one too many from the bar and then soon passed out once they had returned to her dad's place.

"Amazingly, my head is feeling pretty good." She looked up at the clock on the wall. "What time is your flight?"

"I need to leave pretty soon, I suspect. What time is yours?"

Veronica slowly let out a breath. "About that…" He was not going to like that she had found yet another reason to stay, this time for a few days.

* * *

Logan couldn't believe it. He could not believe it. How had he read the signals so wrong? When he had decided to go talk to Sean about that idiotic, thoughtless video, he was just thinking of protecting what was left of Carrie's dignity. He was just going to go in and then directly out, do not pass go.

And then, and then—damn, that _freaking_ tape. He had been outraged when he saw it, he knew Madison and that stupid boyfriend of hers had been behind it, and he just lost it. He hadn't seen that shade of red for years—nine years to be exact. But once the dust had settled, he could have been blown over by a feather he was so shocked to see_ Veronica_ _with_ _Piz_.

He had gone straight to the beach house in a fog of despair and humiliation. Once again, he had laid himself bare and once again, she had turned him into hamburger. Or maybe he had turned himself to burger, for just allowing himself to hope. Hope that maybe this time, they might have a chance. Obviously, that chance was just a figment in his deluded brain.

He had been so tempted to drink himself into oblivion, but somehow, thankfully, had resisted. He had been so careful since Hearst to limit his alcohol that even this was not worth a setback. Instead, he had opted to head out to the beach, out to an area that was secluded, to sit and watch the moonlit ocean. As he sat there, he was transported back to the first semester at Hearst after Veronica had left.

_**9 years before, October 3****rd**, _

_Logan was a mess. It was the anniversary of Lilly's death and he couldn't stop thinking about how alone he was in all of this. Everyone that had been impacted by Lilly was gone except him-the lone prisoner of an epic war. He had never imagined that he could feel so alone._

_He took a long gulp of his beer and looked out over the edge of the balcony of his suite. If he looked just the right way, he could see the spot where Beaver had ended his life two springs before. Idly, he wondered how Dick could live here day in and day out. He knew that for him, even though Aaron had had his life taken here, it had never affected Logan the way that Beaver's had affected Dick. With Aaron, all Logan had felt was relief._

_He wandered back into the suite and picked his phone up, scrolling through the contacts. Logan stared hard at the name that he had pulled up, at the last remaining survivor of the Lilly War. Veronica had made it out, made it through the battle and into safe territory. Past the wasteland that still held Logan captive._

_In a way, he was envious of Veronica. But that didn't mean he didn't wish she were here, with him. Recently he had begun to wonder if it was love that bound him to her or just familiarity. That had scared him. Did he even know what love was? His examples were pretty lacking._

_He continued scrolling, and Mac's name caught his eye. Without thinking, he pushed send and set the phone to his ear. Her voice sounded cautious as she answered, "Logan?"_

_"Hi, Mackie!" He could hear the alcohol slurring his words, "Wondered if you might want to come have a drink and catch up a bit?"_

_She didn't answer at first. Finally, she replied, "Not really, no. Where are you, Logan?"_

_"Oh, with my best friends, Jack and Daniels here at the Grand."_

_"Well….is Dick there with you?" She was starting to sound worried. "Or is the only human there you?"_

_Logan felt the hysteria bubbling to the surface. "Now why would Dickie be here? He's probably off getting married again. Or at the dog track."_

_"Give me 10 minutes, Logan. Promise me you will let me in when I come. If you don't open the door, I'm getting security to do it for you." She then hung up._

_Not even ten minutes later, Mac was standing in the hallway, knocking on his door. He opened it quickly, "At your service. I do as I'm bid." _

_She stalked in past him, turning on her heel to look back at him. "Logan, I can't believe you!" Then she turned back and made her way to the couch, taking in the beer cans and trash that littered the room. "I love what you've done with the place."_

_He slammed the door and followed her. "I've got the decorator on speed dial if you'd like a referral."_

_She looked at him. "I know what today is. I know why you called me. I know that you have been sober for the past two and a half months." He raised his eyebrows and she shrugged. "I just know, Logan. I know a lot that maybe you don't want me to know. But I want _you _to know something—I will keep it all to myself unless you want Veronica to know. I won't say a word because I know that some things we have to keep to ourselves." Her voice softened. "But I also know that you are more than the tragedies in your life. I watched you last year with Veronica. You were so much better then, all your anger and hate was gone and you lived for her. Our senior year, you were hiding. And now, are you hiding again?"_

_He opened and closed his mouth, unsure of what to say. _

_She looked at him cautiously. "Now, I'm not saying you don't have the right to mourn today. Today is a special day, I have a day just like this that is only mine…and well, possibly Dick's, also, I guess. But today is today, and tomorrow is not." Her eyes softened. "You can't keep this cycle up. It will kill you like it kills all of the other alcoholics in this world. And I hate to be a preacher here, but I think I have to say this. I think why you and Veronica didn't work is because you LIVED for her. Do you hear what I'm saying?"_

_ "I never knew I was a life support machine."_

_Rolling her eyes, she continued, "Haha, funny. No. I think I can only say this because you're drunk and you probably won't remember this conversation in the morning, but look. You need to live for yourself for once, Logan. Live for you. Once you figure out how to make your way in the world, then you might be ready for her. Or," she threw her hands in the air, "whoever. I don't know for a fact that you and Veronica even have a snowball's chance in hell, but at least _you_ can have a chance at something. You can't worry about anyone else right now." Picking up a beer bottle from the ground she shook it at him, "Getting drunk off your ass is ridiculous. How has that helped anything? Keep up what you've started this semester. Go enlist in the navy or whatever the career department told you to do. But do it for you."_

_Logan stared at her, and then laughed. "Damn, when do you become all knowing?"_

_Mac shook her head, a hint of sadness in her eyes. "It might not have crossed your mind, Logan, but there are a lot of us around here that have been affected by some crazy shit. I spent the bulk of last year in fear, and I realize now that I let Cassidy do that to me. Why should we let one person rule a life that they do not own? There is a part of me that will always be Cassidy's. I can't get it back; I gave it to him. And I resent it. I really do. But that doesn't mean I have to wear it on my sleeve for everyone to see. Instead, I can own it; I can recognize what I gave him and what he gave me. And move on."_

_Logan felt himself sober at that. He remembered how vulnerable and confused Mac had been the night when Beaver had jumped. He often forgot what she had been through. She was right, though, he couldn't allow his self-pity ruin him forever._

_Suddenly they heard the sound of a key-card in the door's lock and they both looked to see Dick strut in. He stopped short when he saw them. Mac looked back at Logan. "I hope you at least consider what I said. I will be back tomorrow night at five. I will give you this day, but tomorrow, you better be sober." She then headed for the door, where Dick was still standing, speechless. She smiled brightly at him, "Howdy, Dick." And then she was out the door._

_It was the first time Logan had ever not heard Dick with a comeback._

_Logan had spent the rest of his day driving around Neptune. He drove by the high school, followed the path taken in a limo long ago to the Kane's old estate, by the lot that once housed the Echoll's estate, where a new Mac-Mansion was being built, and then to an old apartment complex by the beach. He had parked there across the street until the sun had set, and then he had put his SUV into drive and gone back to the Grand. _

_He entered the suite and saw that Dick had arranged for the staff to come in and clean. All the remnants of before were gone. He walked over to the bar, and opened the fridge and saw it stocked with beer. He looked at where the open containers of hard liquor sat on the counter and sighed. Dick was going to be pissed, but that couldn't be helped. He grabbed each bottle on by one, opening them and pouring them down the small utility sink._

_He had come to a conclusion back in July, and he realized now that just thinking about it wasn't determination enough. He had a lot of history of self-destruction that could only be defeated by his own resolve. He didn't want to be a prisoner of that war any longer. _

_When Dick had come home, he had raised a fit but Logan had stood his ground. "I'm sorry, man, but it has to go. I can't have it here anymore. I don't even want _one_. So until I figure it out, I can't have it here in the room where it can will me into drinking it. Please respect me."_

_Mac had come the next day, and Dick had let her in begrudgingly. She took one look at Logan and grinned. "You're looking tip-top."_

_Logan was clean-shaven, dressed, and sober. He had even gone to his classes for the day. "Yeah, well, I'm a quick study."_

_She sat on the couch, across from where he was sitting in a recliner. "Logan…"_

_He interrupted her, putting a hand up to stop her from saying anything. "Let me go first." He swallowed. "I can't call you anymore, I know that. I'm sorry I called yesterday…I just…well, if I didn't call you, I would have called her. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you into this. It's not your problem."_

_Mac leaned back into the couch. She looked straight at him. "I told you already, I knew why you called me. It's fine."_

_He stared back into her eyes, wishing he could read her mind. "I just…I just, miss her, you know? I really screwed up last spring, but I never thought she would leave for good. I mean, I thought this place was in her bones. Like a piece of a puzzle—Veronica isn't complete without the Neptune edge pieces. I thought I would have more time to prove to her—"_

_"She doesn't need proof, Logan. She needs space I think. Look what happened with her dad and the election. She blames herself for that. She thinks that everyone is better off with her out of here."_

_He fidgeted with his hands and grunted. "She is the saving grace of the town, the campus. How can she think that?"_

_Mac grimaced. "That is not what she thinks." He looked at her. "I didn't say I agree with her! But she has to figure it out." She cleared her throat. "What about you? What did you decide?"_

_"I'm going to stop drinking. I've been on and off for a few months now, anyway, but yesterday, you made me realize I need to completely stop. My mom was an alcoholic, did you know?" When she shook her head, he continued, "Yeah, I mean, that's why she jumped, actually. I mean, she wasn't right in her head, I don't think." His gaze sharpened on her face. "You are right, you know-I need to live for me. I was starting to do that—with the whole career placement test thing. My advisor is helping me to make a five-year plan, and I want to stick to it. I haven't ever been this excited about anything for a while now, so…I'm going to live for me for once. And not self-destruct during the process."_

_Mac reached out and put her hand on his knee. "That sounds terrific, Logan, it really does. I hope you can stick with it."_

_He had just responded, "I will."_

* * *

Logan blinked and he was back on the beach. That anniversary, specifically, had been the hardest one for him to live through, because he had been alone. Alone and feeling sorry for himself. When he had called Mac, he wasn't really aware of what he was doing, and when she had come bursting in, she was angry. Angry and she wasn't cautious with her words, which was different for Mac.

There was a lot from those two conversations that he had kept close to him over the years. He had never forgotten how it had felt to hear what she had said. He had needed her honesty more than he cared to admit. And the other thing he took from her words was that there are things that we give and that we cannot expect to get back. More importantly, there are things we get that are not returnable.

He stood up and headed back to the house, back to where tomorrow would be another day. He figured after what Veronica thought she had figured out that night at the reunion, he might be seeing her in the morning sometime. He hoped he would come across as nonchalant, that she would take what he had told her the night before when he had dropped her off as just a heartfelt goodbye and not a declaration of something hadn't wanted to hear.

Logan was good at focusing on the task at hand and not thinking about the human element. He could school his expressions and keep his comments to a minimum to get through this. Hopefully, it would be over soon. Honestly, he wondered if prison would be less torture than having to act indifferent around Veronica much longer.


	7. Chapter 7 Letting go by holding on

**A/N: So I tried to follow the timeline of the movie, but it may be a little off on the days everything takes place. I hope you enjoy reading this, and comment if you do or don't! Thanks!**

Sunday did not turn out like Veronica had hoped. As soon as Piz had gotten in the taxi to leave for the airport, her dad had come rushing out of the house saying that Weevil had been shot and that he was headed to the hospital to meet Cliff McCormack to find out what happened.

Listening to the tale that Weevil told and what Celeste Kane claimed infuriated Veronica. It brought back all the memories of injustice from years ago, and it fueled her even more to prove Logan's innocence and bring the police department down a notch. If she could prove that the police department was lazy, it might even prove that it was corrupt. It was obvious to her that Eli had been set up, even more blatantly than Logan had been set up. Someone had planted a gun on Weevil, and the best options were either Celeste Kane or the police. It was possible that there were countless other victims sitting in jail because of the ineptness of the Balboa County Police Department.

Veronica made a phone call to Sheriff Lamb as soon as they had gotten home. She used some of her old skills to puff Lamb up enough to get him to fax her over some old case files about Susan Knight's apparent drowning. During the reunion, she had discovered some information that made her suspect that something more had happened the night Susan had disappeared on a boat full of her friends, including Carrie.

Reviewing the file didn't tell her much. But one thing did strike her as important: Leo D'Amato had conducted the interviews with everyone on the boat when they had arrived to shore. She wondered where Leo was nowadays and if it would be possible to talk to him.

A quick search online yielded her answer: Leo was a deputy in San Diego. She made a few phone calls and found he was scheduled to be in his office the next morning. There was nothing to do but wait, so she spent the rest of the day trying to piece together what she thought may have happened on the boat so long ago.

She had to keep busy, or her thoughts would drive her insane. Every now and then, though, Logan's brown eyes would pop into her brain, driving her to distraction. She had to brush aside the memory of the night before, after that ridiculous brawl (although punching Madison Sinclair had been _extremely_ satisfying). She had been applying ice to Piz's fresh black eye when Logan had come up behind her, and when she turned to see him, he had looked…let down, maybe. But then quickly his expression changed and his eyes had shifted away and he had left.

She knew that he had probably been unaware that she had been dating Piz. It probably had shocked him when Piz was suddenly fighting alongside of him…she was a little worried about what Logan might be thinking. Veronica knew it wasn't as if she had led Logan on; they hadn't had a conversation about whether she was dating or not. Subconsciously, she wondered if she purposely had dodged that topic.

She had never been good with confrontations of the heart—her earlier avoidance of having a talk with Piz was evidence enough. She loved putting other people on the spot for their actions, but when it came to her having to explain herself…that was another matter entirely. If only she had just toughed it out and told Piz right this morning what she had been thinking…well, then she could talk to Logan freely about it. But until that conversation happened with Piz, she could not talk to Logan about it. It felt too much like cheating to her. Besides, what was important right now was clearing his name. No matter what her heart was telling her, she knew that had to come first, because without proving his innocence Logan's life would be over.

Once they cleared his name, then maybe she could face the fact that she might want to start something up again with him. If she were completely honest, she had to admit she had missed so much of him over the years, but had not allowed herself to ever yearn for him. She had always attributed Logan to Neptune, and she had not been willing to see them as separate things. She had always had a fear that to have Logan, she would have to have Neptune, and at nineteen, she hadn't wanted that burden.

But this week had shown her that Logan had become something more than Neptune, more than anything she had ever thought he could become. Whenever she used to think of Logan, it was as he was at nineteen: angry, jealous, broken, and going nowhere fast. Now he seemed like none of those things; he had direction. He had a purpose and a rewarding life in the Navy. She could see that to have Logan was to have Logan. That he had been able to put Neptune away for the Navy meant he would be able to put Neptune away for her.

Veronica was slowly realizing that with Piz, she had been able to hold onto a small part of her past but not have to face it. He had nothing to do with Neptune. But Piz wasn't the fire that consumed her. He was more like the space heater that kept her just warm enough. She never felt that jolt of electricity when she looked at Piz, not like when she looked at Logan. With Logan, she had felt more in four days than she had in one year with Piz. It was alarming to realize that space and distance couldn't change that force between them.

Veronica appreciated that Logan wasn't allowing Carrie's death to consume him. That was an important step for him. She had seen what Lilly's death had done to him, and granted, it was partially teenage angst working against him, but it had consumed him. It had turned him into an overprotective lover that smothered Veronica when they were together. With Carrie, Veronica could see that Logan had helped her, had hoped for her, but hadn't suffocated her with his overbearing and overcautious ways.

She loved that she could still see the kindness in his eyes that had drawn her to him all those years ago. It warmed her to think about how soft his touch was then, and her skin burned hot just thinking about how it might be now. How his lips might taste, how his hands would feel running along her, and how it would feel to wrap her legs around him like she used to back then, and how easily they fit together. How hungry they were for each other.

She shook her head, shaking the memories away from her. She was assuming too much about what Logan wanted. With determination, Veronica continued into her investigation of Susan's drowning. She decided to look into what everyone had been up to in the past nine years that had been on the boat. If it looked at all suspicious, maybe that would lead her to a motive for killing Carrie to silence her. She had to focus on what was important now. She had a case to solve. There was no time for wishful thinking.

* * *

Logan didn't hear from Veronica until Monday morning. He had decided that whatever she had found on Saturday night must not have been important enough to stay and that she must have gotten on the plane as planned Sunday evening. But her text asked if he might be home to discuss the case again around three that afternoon.

Right at three, Veronica knocked on the door and as he opened it, she pushed right by him and started in on her newest theory. No pleasantries or awkwardness for her, he supposed, what was new? Some things just never changed. She just jumped head on into whatever case would keep her from dealing with any emotions.

As he listened to her rambling on about a night that happened _nine _years before, he couldn't help rolling his eyes at how implausible it sounded. That something horrific had happened to Susan Knight and someone had to shut Carrie up because of it. Really, the theories she came up with sometimes. He blew out a breath, exasperated.

They rounded the corner of the hallway and into the living room where Dick was sitting on the couch, going through pictures of the reunion on his computer. The laptop was hooked up to the big screen and was just displaying pictures from the fight.

"Hey, Iron Mike!" Dick grinned at her, "Check out your boy Piz! Ka-_Pow!" _ He snickered as an unfortunate shot of Piz getting a fist to the stomach came up on the screen. "There's another one back here, let me find it."

"So you didn't tell me you and Piz were a thing," Logan heard himself say. She looked over at him and he raised his eyebrows, a little mortified that he had let himself go there. He was supposed to be acting indifferent.

She folded her arms across her chest in a classic defensive gesture and eyed Dick. "Uh…my love life didn't seem relevant." Veronica quickly went back to watching the pictures flashing on the screen. "Wait…what was that?" Her tone had changed to urgent. "Back one picture."

Abruptly, her posture changed, her breathing quickened, and Logan recognized that she had just found something important. She went to the dining table and set her bag on it, quickly finding some paper work within and flipping through it. "Look at the difference between these photos." She pointed at a picture she had in her papers and then to the picture on Dick's computer, which he had set beside her after following her to the table. The pictures were both of the same boat, the Serendipity, the boat in which Susan Knight had vanished and Logan saw right away what she was pointing out.

"The anchor is missing," Logan supplied, his tone harsh.

"I think the reason the anchor is missing is because it was used to make sure Susan Knight's body sunk to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean." She looked between the two men, gauging their expressions.

Dick laughed incredulously.

Veronica glared at him. "California has the _death penalty,_ Dick, so why don't you act like you give a damn about your friend and tell me what really happened that night."

Dick frowned. "I already told you, _Veronica,_" he gestured wildly at the pictures, "and I don't think this has jack to do with Carrie's murder. God, I wish Logan could quit you!" he looked at Logan, "Man, I am your friend. Are you listening to this?!"

Logan glanced over at Veronica, to see if _she _was listening, but saw she was engrossed in a text message. Hmmph, he thought, it's probably from Piz. Bastard.

But it was Mac, telling her that there was another video on the internet of Carrie. Quickly, Veronica used Dick's laptop to find it. As they watched it, Logan realized that the video seemed to be coming from the area where Carrie had kept her tablet docked, making them wonder if somehow someone had installed spyware on it.

They used Skype to video chat with Mac and she confirmed the possibility of someone hacking into and installing spyware, which made Logan sick. But it also made him hopeful. Maybe the hidden camera had picked up some feed of the night Carrie had died that could exonerate him. They all realized that they needed to get that footage as soon as possible.

It was Dick, wonderful, goofy, clueless, _Dick,_ that made the connection to James Franco. He mentioned a strange video that involved Franco, and Veronica realized at once that Carrie's video and Franco's video were connected. Dick offered right away to get her into where James Franco was, and Veronica agreed. But it was close to four, so getting into see him would have to wait until morning.

As Logan walked her to the door, she turned to him and smiled. "I think we are on to something here, I really do. If we can get that footage soon, I think we can bring everything we have to Lamb and he will have no choice but to drop the charges."

"I actually think this might be it, too. It looks suspicious, that's for sure. I wasn't convinced until I saw those pictures but now it just makes enough sense to be true." He stared into her eyes. "So…you're going to stay a few more days, huh? "

She held his gaze, sending an electric shock through him. "Well, at least until…"she sounded breathless,"…until we get enough evidence to help you. My flight will have to be delayed again…I think the airline is playing a drinking game with every time I call in." She laughed, "They know me by name before I even pick up the phone. I bet they've already changed the flight. I should just completely cancel and book myself a one-way the hour it works out for me to go."

He nodded slowly,"Yeah, well, won't Piz start to wonder where you are?" He regretted the question the instant it was out of his mouth. God, he really was a masochist.

Something flashed briefly in her eyes and then it was gone. "Piz and I…we're…we're…"she stopped, cleared her throat. She seemed to come to a conclusion, and replied cryptically, "You don't need to worry about Piz." She swallowed and said under her breath, " I haven't even talked to him." Then she turned and headed down the walk, calling out, "I'll call you after I meet with Franco!"

* * *

It wasn't until almost noon the next day that he heard from her again. She was excited and wanted to meet him right away, which worked fine for him. He was basically home bound anyway. He had gotten in a couple of hours of surfing, though, which had cleared his head. He was grateful for the exertion and a chance for a euphoric release of some type. He had been building up a lot of tension that had been simmering and needed let out, and the waves were calling his name.

When she arrived, she wouldn't meet his eye, but went straight to the dining table and set up her laptop. Dick, thankfully, had gone to the surf shop and was not around. He was grateful for the privacy when Veronica motioned for him to sit down and he

realized she had found the video feed.

"This might be hard to watch, Logan," Veronica said, her voice kind and soft.

He watched multiple shots of Carrie—with him, with her dog, at her guitar. He smiled sadly and silently watched memories flash through the screen. It hurt to remember that this was an invasion of privacy when it was positive memories that he was watching. He wondered if Veronica was affected at all by some of the footage of him with Carrie, obviously happy with her. He questioned if he would be able to sit stoically watching her and Piz in a like manner.

Finally, they got to the day that Carrie had been killed. It made no sense to him as he saw that at the time he had apparently gotten a message (from the tablet) from Carrie to come to her house, that it looked as if Gia Goodman had the tablet in the 09er. Veronica explained it though, and much to his dismay, he realized that she was right. Gia had set him up, and most likely with her fiancé, Luke.

He was relieved to finally know what had happened. And now they had enough proof to take the sheriff. But Logan had dealt with the sheriff's office enough times to know that he shouldn't get to optimistic just yet. Veronica seemed to feel the same way, and so they decided to insure themselves with a little protection.

They drove to Mars Investigations and went through all of Keith's surveillance equipment until Veronica found what she had been looking for: an ugly blue trucker's hat, with the saying 'Free Hugs' and a cheesy bear holding a heart on the front of it. She grinned as she handed it to Logan, who eyed it dubiously. "It's not a fashion contest."

He took it from her hands. "Well, shoot, I was really hoping to wear the sash that went with it."

She leaned over to show him where the camera was hidden and how it worked. "As long as you keep the brim of the thing pointed to him, it will videotape him and what any of us say in the room. I think it should work. Just ignore any cash offerings for it and we'll be golden."

"I don't know if I'll be able to part with it for any price." He firmly set it on his head. "How many hugs do you think I can get?"

She grinned, and reached up to straighten it, "Well, since you look so cuddly, a lot, I'm betting."

His heart caught in his throat as she lowered her hand and their eyes caught. Logan felt his pulse beating in his neck so hard he wondered how she could not notice. He felt himself leaning closer to her, his instincts taking over his self-control. He watched as she licked her lips and her eyes slowly began to close as she, too, leaned in…but just as suddenly as the moment started, it was over as she jumped away from him as if shocked.

She strode over to the open door of the inner office, "I'm going to leave dad a note, in case he comes back from the case he has been working on. I haven't talked to him all day." She came back out after a few minutes, looking a little less flushed. "Shall we?"


	8. Chapter 8 Staying

Chapter 8

Logan and Veronica left the police department in silence. Just as they both had suspected, Lamb had been uncooperative. In his eyes, they had their man and could make a case against Logan with circumstantial evidence.

It galled Logan at how corrupt the police department had gotten. He couldn't understand how the evidence that Veronica had dug up could just be brushed aside as unimportant. Actually, when he thought about it, he did understand it, and that was what worried him. The police department wasn't a seeker of justice any longer. He just might be found guilty.

They were in his car almost to Mars Investigations when Veronica finally spoke up. "If Lamb won't take this seriously, then we are going to have to get more proof and force it on him. I think the only way to clear you now is if we get a confession."

Logan kept his eyes on the road. "How do you suggest we do that?"

"Keep working on Dick. He's got to know something." Veronica sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Work your charm on him, and maybe he'll slip."

Logan felt a surge of annoyance. "Veronica, have you met Dick? He doesn't know anything. Sorry, I believe him. I've pretty much lived with him for ten years. I think I would have noticed something." He pulled to a stop in front of the building. "Dick is messed up, sure, but he has been screwed up since graduation, as you can probably guess. I can't imagine that he would go along with a conspiracy to frame _me_, not when I am the closest thing to a brother he has." He looked straight at her. "I'll ask him again, for you. But all he knows is what he is telling. I think he was passed out during whatever happened that night."

Veronica nodded slowly. "I suppose you are right, you would hopefully be able to tell—"

"Not hopefully. I know. I have seen him at his lowest point. I worry about him, sure. I will always worry. He needs a lot of help. The whole Beaver thing messed his head up. But there is no way in hell that he could have survived participating in a murder plot of both Susan and Carrie," he opened the car door and got out, "and then setting me up. There is just no way."

She, too, opened her door. Reaching to the back of the seat, she grabbed her bag and the trucker hat, which he had thrown off as soon as he had gotten back to the car at the police department. "Logan," she got out of the car and turned to face where he was now standing at her side of the car. "I've had nine years to learn to trust people. Nine years to not be suspicious of what everyone around me is doing. I am not attacking Dick because I suspect him of setting you up. I just want to make sure that if something weird happened on that boat, he tells us. Anything at this point is information we need." Veronica shut the door and then stepped a little closer to him, looking straight into his eyes. "Dick is not someone I ever trusted. I know you trust him. You have your reasons, and I hear what you're saying. I agree it is highly unlikely that he could keep what happened on the boat a secret from you."

She turned to walk to the entrance of Mars Investigations. He locked his car with the key fob and followed her. They said nothing until they were inside the outer office, where Keith had still not returned. As Veronica approached the reception desk, the trucker hat in her hand, he finally responded, "Veronica….I know why you don't trust Dick. I don't blame you, but you know we all change with time. He's still an idiot, but he doesn't mean any harm." He took a breath. "Maybe someday you'll be able to trust him like I do. He's stayed with me all these years; he's the one person that has always been here."

* * *

Veronica looked up from the computer that she had been booting up to load the pictures and video from the trucker camera. She heard vulnerability in Logan's voice and it stopped her short. She saw him fidgeting with his shirt sleeves, a nervous habit she recognized from years ago. He continued, "There is just no way you will ever get me to believe he knows more than he is telling."

Veronica paused. She thought back to how Logan had been when she'd left; how his only true friend had been Dick. How everyone in his life had left him. Regret filled her as she stepped back around the desk, reached out and touched his arm. "Hey." His body stilled, and his eyes stared at where her hand touched him. "I get it. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. You two have history. He doesn't know anything. I got it." She dropped her hand and stepped back to the desk, leaning down to look at the computer screen. "We'll just have to figure out a way to get Gia and Luke to talk."

Logan blinked. "Well, that sounds simple." Suddenly his phone pinged, alerting him to a text message. He pulled it out of his pocket. After reading it, he said, "That's Dick, he needs me to do some errands quick for the surf shop before it closes up. Can we finish this conversation later?"

Veronica looked at the clock on the wall. "Do you mind dropping me off at my dad's? I don't want to be stuck here all night." When he nodded, she grabbed her purse and they headed back down the stairs and to the car. "Can you come around dinner time? You could eat with us and then maybe we can figure out a plan of some sort."

* * *

As Logan drove off, Veronica breathed a sigh and then looked at her phone. As far as Piz knew, she was on a plane headed for New York at this very minute. She dreaded this phone call, but knew it needed to happen. With everything that had been going on today, and all the feelings that had been stirred up, she regretted that she had not broken things off earlier with Piz when he had been here. She had almost kissed Logan! He had wanted to kiss her, she knew, she had seen the longing more than once today in his eyes. Her body was betraying her determination to get through this investigation and she was not too far from caving, she could feel it.

Still standing on the sidewalk, she dialed Piz and put the phone to her ear. She heard it ring, once, twice, three times, and then Piz slowly saying, "I…uh…I believe the captain told you the use of cell phones was prohibited."

She closed her eyes. "I'm….not on the plane."

He laughed, sadly. "Yeah, I gathered that."

She heard her old ways creeping up as she continued, "I really want to be there with you right now, there's just so much going on right now, I can't leave."

"Sure you could." Piz replied quietly.

His comment caught her. She knew he was right, but it stung to have him say it. "Ok, well, could…you try and understand why I chose not to?"

She could feel it coming, she could feel the disappointment radiating through the phone as he answered, "I completely understand. That's why I think it's time for us to just….walk away."

She was silent for a moment as an unexpected fear flew through her. "Wait, Piz, this isn't what this is! This isn't what I want…"She knew it was what she really wanted, but telling him so seemed cruel.

Abruptly, Piz interrupted her, "Look, I have to go."

It hurt her to hear what sounded like a sob on the other side of the phone. "Piz...I'm really sorr-"

"Yeah, well, good bye, Veronica." _Click._

The line went dead, and Veronica stood there, staring out at nothing. She thought back to when she had run into Piz last year, how comfortable they had been together. How their lives had just sort of combined into a comfortable rhythm that had worked so well for New York and her life there. She was sorry that she had hurt Piz; he knew that she could have come back to New York at any point after the first day here and she had chosen not to. She wondered if he had known it was over when she had called to tell him she was staying another day, and then another. Wondered if he had felt the shift in her when he been here with her. She knew that she couldn't have hid it much longer, even with the space between them.

A heavy weight had just been lifted off her chest. She thought of the night to come, of Logan sitting with her and her father for dinner. She laughed at the memory of a dinner long ago with the same threesome, and how uncomfortable and unsure she had been during it. Tonight would probably be no different. Except now Veronica felt like it was she who might slip up and say the wrong thing. She figured that the topic would be mostly on the case, or maybe mundane things. Her dad was still not convinced that Logan was innocent, but she knew when she showed him the pictures and the police report, he would change his mind and ready to help. Hopefully, it would go all right.

* * *

Keith had come home late. When she came into the kitchen to tell him that Logan would be joining them for dinner, he had looked at her and then started in about the phone message he had received from Truman-Mann, the law firm that had hired her in New York. Except according to what the message said, she no longer had a position there because she hadn't returned their phone calls. Before she could make an excuse as to why she had thrown away her chances there, Keith had taken a call and left the house.

She was left to set the table and finish preparing a salad that he had started. She was at the sink washing the cutting board and knives when she heard a loud crash coming from outside. She turned the water off and headed to the front door, interested as to what the noise was about.

As Veronica looked out the front window, she could hear squealing of tires from down the street, but her attention was caught by the sight of a small compact car smashed in the middle of the street in the opposite direction. Steam was coming from the hood. Curious, she stepped out to the porch and down the steps. She could see that someone was opening the passenger door, and sickeningly, she realized it was Logan, and that the person in the passenger seat was her dad. She started running towards them, and suddenly, a pickup truck was racing beside her, speeding up towards the car.

Logan looked up just in time to see the truck racing towards them, and he pulled at Keith to free him. Luckily, the dash had not been smashed in, and Keith wasn't pinned into the car. The truck struck the car hard, just as Logan pulled Keith free from the wreckage, and didn't stop.

Veronica fell to where Logan had Keith on the side of the road, screaming and crying for her father to wake. "Please! Oh my God! Dad, its Veronica, wake up!"

Logan called out to some of the neighbors that had come to see what the noise was about. "Call for an ambulance, now!"

* * *

The EMTs let Veronica ride to the hospital while Logan followed in his car. Keith had looked pretty bad, and Logan was extremely worried for his life. The fact that he had been forced to pull him out of the car concerned him because he knew the best circumstance was to let professionals get him out of the car to avoid critical injury.

The whole thing had happened in a blur. Logan wasn't sure why Keith had been in that car, or why Deputy Sacks was with him, but he had a bad feeling about it all. Obviously, it hadn't been an accident; otherwise the driver of the truck wouldn't have come around for a second hit.

Veronica had been a total mess. She wouldn't let go of Keith's hand, even when the EMT's arrived and were assessing the situation. Finally, they had conceded to let her sit in the passenger seat in the front of the ambulance to the hospital while they administered to her father. Logan had immediately run to his car and headed to the hospital.

Once there, he found Veronica alone in a hallway, because the staff had ordered her out of their way. He pulled her straight into a hug, having no words to console her with. She hugged him back and let the tears flow, soaking the front of his blue button up shirt. "I don't understand what happened. What happened, Logan? I don't understand," Slowly she pulled away and looked up into his eyes. "He just left me in the kitchen saying he would be right back, and then…."

He pulled her back to him, and kissed the top of her head. "I don't know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he murmured while running his hands up and down her back in a soothing manner, "I was about to the front door when it happened…and then I realized that there were people in the car…." he would never forget when he realized it was Keith in the car. His training had already taken over by that point, but when he saw who it was, urgency had taken over and he had felt frantic.

They stayed in their embrace until a nurse came up to them with a sympathetic smile. "There's a waiting room through those doors. We will have someone come take some information from you soon, if you want to have a seat in there. I'm afraid it might be a while until we know anything about your father."

They moved into the waiting area, but Veronica would not sit down. She paced instead, running her hands up and down her arms. "Where is the cop to take our statement?" She asked aloud. "Shouldn't they be here by now?"

Logan had been wondering that as well, but hadn't voiced the question. He doubted she really wanted to talk to the police anyway, with what they knew of them.

Eventually, Logan asked, "Do you want to call someone? Wallace or Mac?" he paused, "Piz? Maybe you should let them know… or you know, if you would rather them wait here with you…."

She gave a watery laugh. "Piz? We broke up. But…I think you're right about Wallace and Mac. I better let them know." She pulled out her phone and shakily began scrolling through it.

Logan was stunned by her admission. She and Piz broke up? When did this happen? And why? He felt selfish by wanting to demand an explanation. Instead, he took her phone from her. "Let me. You sit down. Do you want them to come here?"

She sat and regarded him somberly. Shaking her head slowly, she looked into his eyes and answered, "I want you here. Will you stay? Please."

He felt his chest constrict, but he just nodded. "Of course. I've got nowhere better to be." He then sat down next to her, and began to make some phone calls.

* * *

Finally they were able to leave the hospital and head back to Keith's house. Veronica was exhausted and grief stricken with the news the Sacks had been killed. She was relieved to know that the injuries to her dad had not caused him to die, but it scared her to think that there was a possibility still. Doctors didn't just keep patients in the ICU for fun. He was seriously hurt.

She was so grateful to Logan. She hadn't even told him thank you yet, but he had risked his life getting her dad out of that car. He could have just watched, like all of the neighbors, watched as that truck bashed into that tiny tin can of a car, but he jumped in and saved her dad's life.

She couldn't stay awake. The stress of the evening and the relief of the doctor's news had pulled all the remaining energy out of her and she felt herself drifting to sleep as Logan continued driving in silence.

* * *

Veronica felt him lay her on the bed, felt him removing her shoes and covering her with a blanket. She could hear him as he moved about the room, adjusting things and dimming the lights. She knew he left the room with the click of the door shutting, and suddenly her eyes popped open. The night flashed before her eyes, and regretfully, she was wide awake.

Her jeans and shirt were biting into her skin as she lay there, and she couldn't sleep for being uncomfortable. She sat up and reached for her bag of clothes that was sitting on the ground next to the hide-a-bed she had been using during her stay in Neptune. She rifled through it until she found a night shirt and quickly changed into it.

She lay back down, but the bed felt cold. The silence was deafening and she felt alone and empty. Veronica felt the night pressing down on her, the threat of solitude too much for her. She got back up and headed for the door, thinking she might grab a drink of water—and suddenly she realized Logan was still there, in the house.

She could hear him walking, probably to the front door to leave. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted him to stay, to be with her, to keep the silence and worry away. She needed him to hold her, to comfort her, to make her forget, for even a few moments, all the turmoil in her mind and in their lives.

She felt her feet running, and as she turned the corner that led to the front room, she saw him at the door, about to open it and leave. "Wait…"she called out, breathless.

He turned, surprised, and his hand on the door handle paused.

Looking across at him, she felt all the emotions of the past few days, all the loneliness of the past nine years overwhelming her. Veronica felt her heart pounding as she realized that this was about them, not about being lonely. She wanted him to stay because he was Logan, who she had been denying for far too long. "Don't go…"

Logan stared at her. Quietly, as if unsure of what she was asking, he replied, "Ok."

**A/N: I hope you are enjoying my take on this. Let me know! But thanks so much for reading and following this. I have some ideas for future fics I hope I can work on soon.**


	9. Chapter 9 Wanting

**A/N: Ok, people, here is the LoVe scene...I'm a little nervous! I have never written a love scene for others to read...so...think kind thoughts! Rated T. Please leave thoughts and if they are positive...well, we'll just see how it goes. Happy reading, I honestly hope you enjoy it! **

Chapter 9

He would have just stayed to keep vigil over her, like he had that night so many years ago when she was grief-stricken with the thought that her dad had died. He would have slept all night on the living room couch, waiting with her. Whatever she needed he would give, if she asked. So he waited.

Veronica stood there, looking at him in a way he hadn't seen for over nine years. Logan wasn't sure if what he was seeing was real as suddenly she started toward him with intent in her eyes that shocked him and he just watched her, frozen. She walked directly to him, framed his face with her hands, and pulled his mouth to hers. She kissed him, her lips molding to his with urgency, her hands lowering to his neck to pull him even closer to her.

Logan felt like he was in a dream. There was no way this could be real, that this was really happening. His brain was slow to transmit, but, finally, he responded in kind, kissing her back. He kissed and kissed her, his arms encircling her waist, hands lowering to grab her ass. He pulled back away from her, to look in her eyes, to make sure this was what she wanted. She barely even paused, just pulling him back into a kiss, and any restraint he might have had was gone. Logan picked her up then, turning in a circle to hoist her onto his hips. She must have been anticipating it because with no hesitation her legs were wrapped around his waist, her body arching in response to his touch.

He recalled a wide post in the middle of the room, and he gravitated toward it blindly, pressing Veronica into it with the length of his body. He felt the hem of her shirt, realizing dimly that she must have changed, his fingers grazing the edge of her panties underneath. He dipped his head to deepen their kiss, his tongue seeking the warmth of her mouth.

Veronica pulled back, and he paused in his desire, silently conveying that he would stop if that was what she needed. He half expected her to object or make an excuse to stop, but instead, surprisingly; her hands reached up and ripped his shirt wide open, then trailed down his torso and to his belt buckle. She rested them there while she tipped her mouth back towards his, slower this time, and he responded with equal restraint, savoring the feel of her in his arms.

He continued to kiss her as his hands ran up the length of her back, under her shirt. He remembered everything about her: he knew just where to touch and how much pressure to give. His mouth skimmed across hers, then slowly down her neck to the base of her collar bone. He flicked his tongue against the pulse he found there, and heard her sigh.

Her fingers began working at his buckle and then to the snap of his jeans. She deftly pulled at the zipper, and suddenly, her fingers encircled the length of his erection, causing him to gasp against her neck. Logan's hands moved back to cup her ass as he angled his hips forward and up, and she moaned. His fingers pushed aside the silky fabric of her underwear and he pushed again, her hand dropping away from him as suddenly he felt himself sliding into her, filling her completely with one thrust. She threw her head back and arched closer, grinding herself down on him, calling out his name as her hands pulled at his hair in rapture. She was slick with desire, and Logan fought to remain in control. He knew what would send her over the edge, what would cause her to shatter, and he found her sweet spot between them, circling it between his thumb and forefinger. As he continued to drive into her, he felt her tense, the breath going out of her, her control slipping, and suddenly he felt her shatter around him, and so he let himself find his own release.

They stilled then, resting their foreheads on one another, their breathing labored. Eventually, he pulled himself from her, gently helped her get her footing on the ground, not sure what to say. He tried to catch her eye, but she was busily adjusting clothes. Logan took stock of his clothing, straightening what was left of his shirt and zipping his pants, leaving the button and belt undone. He was suddenly aware of what they had just done, and his heart stopped as he realized he hadn't protected her in their haste He thinks of Piz unexpectedly; he remembers her claim that they are not together, but it crosses his mind it might have been only a fight they've had and that he might have just caused her to cheat.

She looked up at him then, and smiled a small smile. "You were always good at that."

Relief filled him as he saw no remorse in her eyes, but he can hear the worry in his voice as he says, "I didn't protect you."

Veronica shook her head, and reached out to take his hand. "I'm on the pill." She gestured toward the room where he had tried to leave her earlier, "Stay with me?"

He's unsure of what to do. Her voice was filled with longing, and her eyes were shining brightly. He watched as her teeth caught her bottom lip as she awaited his answer. Slowly, he nodded, not wanting to leave her, even if it meant she might regret it in the morning. It had been too long with too many nights of wanting her, missing her, for him to deny himself any longer. She wanted him, even if only for tonight. That would have to be enough for him. He remembered the last time they were together, how he had had no idea it would be the last time for more than nine long years. But tonight, he could savor her-he could imprint every sigh and moan, every freckle and every touch for his memory to keep. Even if she woke in the morning and told him to get the hell out, he would have this night forever.

* * *

Veronica led Logan into the guest room and turned to face him. His face was filled with uncertainty and longing, but he reached for her, putting his hands on her waist and pulling her to him and kissed her forehead. She let him hold her like that, reveling in the familiarity of the embrace. It felt like just yesterday they were like this, as lovers.

She eventually stepped back from him and ran her hands once again down his ribcage, enjoying the feel of his sculpted chest under her fingers. She worked his shirt off his shoulders, down the corded muscles of his arms, letting it fall to the ground. The years had defined his body, instead of a boyish build, he is now like a wall of muscle, and her fingers tremble at the strength of him, at how different he has become. There is something there that is still Logan, though, within the difference of his body; there is a piece of him that she knows as well as herself which is comforting to her in this moment.

He stilled her hands with his, causing her to glance up into his eyes, and he had such a look of tenderness it stopped her for a moment. "Veronica…"he whispered, his voice hoarse.

She reached up and pulled him to her, not willing to hear whatever it is he wanted to say. She took his mouth hard with hers, sliding her tongue across his lips and licking her way into his mouth. Veronica heard him groan, so she pressed herself against him as he stepped toward the hide-a-bed and they fell, together, onto it. She felt the delicious weight of his body as it rested on hers, her hips reaching for him, already wanting.

Logan's hands were everywhere: running down her torso, underneath the shirt and back up to her bra less breasts, kneading and finding their tips, running his fingers delicately but masterfully across them, causing her to arch again against him. Veronica pushed away from him to hastily pull her shirt up and over her head, wanting to get as close to him as possible. He took the moment to take off his shoes and slide off his jeans, leaving his boxers on as her eyes hungrily took him in.

Logan paused to gaze at her in the moonlit room; and suddenly she felt self-conscious and a little embarrassed by her near-nakedness. She wondered what he thought of her, of how much she might have changed in his eyes. She definitely was not nineteen any longer, and time had caused things to shift and change in ways that might not be pleasing to a lover. He smiled a lazy smile, and leaned down to kiss her neck making his way down her stomach, resting at her belly button. "I've dreamed of you for so long," he whispered, soft enough that she had to strain to hear him. His fingers played with the insides of her thighs, rising toward the legs of her underwear, lazily drawing circles as they continued up and under the bands.

Veronica pulled away from him, turning in the bed so that she could get him on his back and she could straddle him. He complied easily, letting her take over. She leaned down over him once she was astride him, her hair falling down around her face and into his. Logan reached his hand up and tucked a strand behind her ear, silently waiting for her to take control. She kissed him then, slowly, as sweet and tender as she could make it. Her arms came up over his head and she slid her legs down his until she was completely lying on top of him.

She rested her head on his chest, breathing rapidly as she brought her arms back down to run her hands through Logan's hair, touching the tips of his ears and down his neck, then propped herself up to look at him. She stared into his eyes, gazing into the deep brown expressive warmth, her heart flipping in her chest. She had missed their connection, how one touch between them was like a whole conversation without a word. Veronica wondered what he saw reflecting in her eyes, if he was remembering how they used to be, with no words ever necessary.

Just being here with him calmed her nerves, made her not feel so helpless and small. She hoped she was conveying the gratefulness in her eyes and that he could see it. Their bodies had suddenly ceased their feverish rush, stilling into a regularity of breathing that caused her to relax, turning languid and heavy.

Logan's arms wrapped around her then, and he shifted his body and turned her so that he could cradle her on their sides, with her back against his chest. They lay silent for a long time, Logan running his free hand up and down her exposed arm, his face buried in her neck, breathing the scent of her. Veronica felt the tell-tale hardness pressing against her behind, which was snuggled tightly against his lap. He made no move to further his advantage, which surprised her. It amazed her that he could still read her so well, that he knew she mostly just needed him there, holding her. Veronica felt her heart fill with emotion for him and appreciation for his restraint. She tipped her mouth to kiss his arm that was underneath her, cushioning her head. Finally, she felt herself slipping into sleep, warmed by his body and quieted by the rhythmic beating of his heart.

* * *

Logan lay with her all night, unable to believe that they were together this way. Veronica had been exhausted and had easily fallen asleep in his embrace. He watched her breathing, in and out, the sorrow and worry slowly disappearing as she fell deeper into her sleep. The look she had given him before he had pulled her off him had stilled his heart: he was afraid of what she might have seen in his face at that moment. It scared him that he had fallen back under her spell so easily again. There was something in her that had always caused him to give everything to her before she had given anything of herself to him. He wasn't ready to let her see his love evident in his eyes; he wasn't willing to let her know that when she walked away again she would be taking his heart with her.

He had shown control by not taking her again because his mind kept nagging at him that she might regret it all in the morning. Though he had been willing for it at first, he couldn't take advantage of her in that way. The stakes were too high, her emotions were running too rampant, and he worried about what she would say if she decided that he had let that get in the way of good judgment. He was well versed in momentary lapses of judgment, but this was different. Although it hadn't stopped them from having sex completely, he had stopped it from happening again. He decided that no matter how sweet and tender and willing Veronica seemed, the burden laid on him. If and when they slept with each other again, he wanted it to be clearly because they wanted each other, and not because of grief or overwrought emotions.

Finally, as the sun began to rise and the room began to lighten, Logan felt himself begin to drift. His arms tightened around her, and he kissed her temple. He slept.

**A/N: I really hope that Logan would have shown a little restraint. But not the next time he is with her. No way. They would both be all about it then. I hope I did it justice in all your reading eyes! Comment/Review if you have the time! Thank you!**


	10. Chapter 10 Partners

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter...**

Chapter 10

Morning came all too soon for Veronica. When she awoke she found her arm draped across Logan's chest, her face tucked into his ribcage. She lay still, listening to his steady breathing. She was surprised at how rested she felt, that she had been able to sleep at all. As tender as the night had ended, it could not quite erase the horror she had felt seeing her father unconscious and bleeding. Regretfully, she sat up so as not to wake Logan, and slid out of the bed. She hated to leave the tranquility of his arms, but her mind had started racing the moment she woke. She was worried about her dad and furious that someone had tried to kill him. She was shocked that Jerry Sacks had died, but at the same time, knew that was a clue that the police department had something to do with it.

Grabbing her bag, she slipped quietly from the room, digging in it to pull out her cellphone to call the hospital. After verifying that her dad hadn't taken a turn for the worse, she went into the bathroom to shower and change.

Veronica was starting to obsess about her dad and what had happened. She felt helpless, realizing how alone he was Neptune, how he had been battling a war without any comrades close by. How had she left him here fighting alone, for so long? Cliff McCormack was the closest thing he had to a partner, but Cliff was restricted by the firm lines of the law. There was no one that Keith had at MI, no partner to help out with tough cases since she had left. It wasn't something she had allowed herself to dwell on often, but being here and seeing it firsthand…terrified her.

Reflecting was getting her nowhere. She could go back and forth all day about why she should or shouldn't have left, but that wouldn't change what had happened last night. Keith would need her help to get back on his feet, and that would take time. She was suddenly glad that the job in New York had fallen through because she couldn't see herself leaving Neptune anytime soon. From what the doctors had implied the night before, he wouldn't be able to get around on his own for a while. At the very least, she would need to issue refunds on any open cases at MI and figure out day-to-day living for him until he was better able. That could potentially take a few days or even weeks.

Her mind turned to Logan and his case. They were so close to the truth, she could taste it. She had been working out a plan since the two of them had left the police department the afternoon before. Even though she hadn't had a chance to talk to Logan about what she was thinking, she hoped he would be up to a little P.I. work today.

She finished up her shower and toweled dry, recalling suddenly how she had basically thrown herself at Logan; her face warming at the thought. It had felt so right at the time; it still felt right. Veronica felt no regret at finding solace in him. She hoped he didn't regret it either.

* * *

Logan had felt her leave his side and slip out of the room. Still dozing, he heard her out in the living room on the phone and then the shower start up. He was reluctant to get up and dress, content instead to lay there in her bed, imagining her with him still. He wanted to put off reality, put off what the day might bring for as long as possible.

He knew Veronica must have been on the phone with the hospital, and he wondered how Keith had fared in the night. Hopefully there had been no change for the worse. Logan worried about Veronica, about what she might do in response to the attack of her dad. He remembered all too well the steely resolve that would overtake her whole person when someone close to her was hurt; this time would be no exception, he was sure. As much as she had changed, nothing could bring her back to her old ways more than a threat to Keith.

Logan was taking it as a good sign that she hadn't woke in horror that he was with her, in her bed. It seemed like that was telling in itself, that perhaps she wasn't regretting what had happened in the night. He certainly didn't regret it.

Eventually, he heard her making her way into the room to sit on the bed next to him, and he turned to face her. She had a serious look in her eye as she said, "The only way I'm not going to spend the day obsessing about my dad is by nailing Gia and Luke to the wall." She paused. "Let's go make them sweat."

He saw no trace of remorse in her face, and he felt a weight lifting off his chest. In a teasing tone he replied, "Good morning to you, too."

She looked surprised for a moment, sitting back a little. "Good morning." Then she leaned down to kiss him lightly on the lips. "Did you sleep very well?"

His heart in his throat, he looked straight into her eyes, trying to read her thoughts. He felt his mouth curl into a relieved smile. "Pretty well, actually. How are you doing this morning? How's your dad?"

She sat back to let him sit up, and responded, "He's stable, no change. They still said it will be a few days before I can see him." She swallowed, emotion shining in her eyes. "I'm so glad it seems like he'll be all right. "

He leaned down to grab his pants off the floor, then stood up and began to put them on. Smirking, he teased, "You don't happen to have a shirt I could borrow? If I recall correctly, mine seems to have become less than wearable."

She laughed, making his breath catch. He watched as she stood, tucking her hair behind her ears. She rubbed her neck, and met his eye, "Uh…I'm sure I can find something in Dad's closet. How do you feel about …Hawaiian print?" He shook his head. "No? Plaid? Argyle? Come on, your killing me here!"

Logan stepped close to her, taking her face in his hands, and kissed her nose. "Just a plain white tee works fine. Nothing flashy. We can head over to the beach house and I can change." He released her. "Now, tell me about your thoughts on Gia and Luke. I'm all ears."

He could see in her expression that she wasn't ready to talk about it yet, about them and what had happened. He could live with that, at least for a while. She wasn't throwing him out to the curb, shirtless, at least not yet anyway, which was a positive sign. He knew she was right about focusing on his case. They were too close to solving it and clearing him to just set it aside for even a day.

She started toward the door. "I'll go find a shirt. On our way to Dick's we can grab some coffee and then we can go over what I'm thinking." Veronica stopped as she stepped into the hallway and turned back to look at him. Quietly, she smiled and said, "Thank you for staying last night. I'm…..glad you did." Then disappeared down the hallway and into what he assumed to be Keith's room.

* * *

Veronica waited while Logan finished dressing and then they headed out, grabbing some coffee and pastries at a coffee drive through near the beach house. When they walked into the house, they found Dick was already out on the water surfing. She was glad that they didn't have to deal with him right then. She could imagine his snarky attitude and snide comments about Logan not coming home for the night. It wasn't something she was ready to have to explain to anyone, least of all Dick. She wasn't even willing to talk to Logan about it yet.

He left her for a few minutes at the dining table while he went to change into his own shirt and some clean jeans. When he came back, he sat down across from her, setting the borrowed shirt next to her bag and nodded at her. "All right, let's hear your plan. Enough stalling."

Logan was quiet while Veronica explained her idea about bugging Gia's apartment and haunting her with phone calls of recordings of Carrie's voice. She hoped it would spook Gia into tripping up and exposing herself and Luke as setting up Logan. Veronica was almost positive that Gia hadn't actually committed the murder. She figured that Luke had to have been the one to have actually electrocuted Carrie.

"Gia's the weak link, Logan. I think we can get her to talk."

Logan was brooding, obviously mulling over everything that she had just proposed. "If that's true, Veronica, then Luke is dangerous. I don't want you anywhere near him if you honestly think he's the one that killed Carrie." He ran a hand over his face. "What do you propose to do about him?"

She nodded, "I completely agree that he's dangerous. I don't really want to be around him at all. I think if we can get Gia upset enough, she'll hang her own noose. What I think will happen is when she hears the phone call from the dead, she'll call Luke and imply what we already know to be true. I won't need to even be near Luke. "

"I don't trust that they won't figure out it's you who's behind it all. They know you're in town, you said yourself that you asked them about the night Susan died. They've got to know you're helping me. I'm worried, honestly, Veronica, that you could be in danger because of me. Because I chose to bring you back here." He blew out a sigh, "I don't like this. At all."

Veronica wasn't surprised he was concerned. She had expected it, actually. "Well, I have given that some thought, about Luke being unhinged or…angry. I think you should tail him."

Obviously surprised, Logan responded, "Really."

She chuckled. "Yes, really. I'm not suggesting that I can handle this all on my own. I recognize this could get ugly. If you follow Luke, when Gia calls him, and she will, you will be able to see exactly where he's heading. If I stay somewhere where I can watch Gia, I can follow her to wherever they meet. When you follow him, you will follow him to where I am." She stood up, gathering her things, finishing her coffee. "Keep your enemies close." Pausing in her actions, she looked at him. "What do you think? You can call and warn me if it looks like Luke is going after me. I'm not worried about Gia. She's not dangerous, she's just an accessory."

Slowly, Logan nodded. "I think it's as good a plan as any, I guess."

* * *

Logan had taken Veronica back to retrieve her dad's car and then headed to MI. He was learning that surveillance took preparation. Veronica had needed to edit a sound bite of Carrie's voice and figure out a way to get the bug into Gia's apartment. They also had to find out the schedules of both Gia and Luke. With a few phone calls, they were able to confirm that Gia was home, and that Luke was at his office.

By the time Logan had left to find and follow Luke, it was early afternoon. He had parked across the street from where Luke's office was, and had shot Veronica a quick text to Veronica when he had seen Luke come out and get into his car and left. But she had replied back that she hadn't even gotten set up but to keep close to Luke, so Logan had shadowed him as closely as he dared.

It had been hours of driving, and now he was across the street from a bath house Luke had just entered. The implications were pretty obvious as to what Luke was doing in there, and Logan was quite surprised by this revelation. He wondered if Gia knew her fiancé was having affairs with men.

His phone rang and he answered, seeing that it was Veronica. "Hey."

"I made the call to Gia, she immediately freaked out and called her partner in crime. Have you seen Luke pick up?"

Logan grunted. "Well, I can't actually see Luke right now. Apparently he had to make a pit stop for some hot man-on-man action."

There was a slight pause. "What are you talking about?"

"Luke is inside a West Hollywood bath house." And Logan was not tempted to follow.

"What's he doing in a bath-oh." Veronica was silent. "Hold on, someone's at her door." She didn't say anything for a few minutes. "It's Cobb. She called Cobb."

That was unexpected. Logan glanced across the street, making sure Luke hadn't reappeared.

Suddenly, Veronica exclaimed, "No. Freaking. Way!"

Logan felt impatient as he demanded, "Update, please."

She groaned in disgust. "Ick, they're totally doing it."

Logan was shocked. First Luke gay, and now Gia having an affair with Cobb? Something was off about this. "Are you serious?"

"Gia seduced her lap dog into killing Carrie. "

He felt a flash of worry go through him. "Can you see them?"

"No, thank god. I can hear them though…"He could almost feel her shudder through the line. "Oh, shit."

"What? What's going on?" Logan demanded.

"Oh, Dad had all the good listening devices locked up, so I had to use one of the old bugs that uses FM signal, on the end of dial, 88.6 no one listens to it…it's going in and out."

"As in 88.6 Rock Hard Rock?"

There was a slight pause on her end of the line. "Tell me you're joking."

"Neptune's new classic rock station."

"Huh, well, it should be fine, it only transmits a hundred yards or so. Hey, I think I see Carrie's tablet on Gia's table. What did it look like? Was it a big one or a little one?"

He rolled his eyes. "Seriously? It was one of the little white ones. But she would have to be stupid to keep it there."

Veronica guffawed. "I sat behind Gia in algebra. Nothing would shock me."

"Well, Carrie's was inscribed, " Logan said, suddenly remembering, "It said "Rock you very much from the MTV Music Awards' or something like that."

There was shuffling on her side of the phone, and then she said, "I need to get a closer look."

Raw alarm shot through him. "Veronica." He said, warningly. Logan started his car, all thoughts of Luke gone. He needed to get back to Neptune, now. He pulled out from his parking spot and quickly made a U-turn, heading for the freeway.

"Relax! I'm not going to break in. She invited me to come over sometime while I was here. I will just take her up on that offer…but after Cobb leaves."

"She could be a _murderer._" He stressed the last word, worried.

"Logan, it's Gia Goodman. The day I can't handle Gia Goodman, ha." When he didn't respond, she continued, "Seriously, I can take her."

He knew what she was saying, but he didn't like it. He also knew there was no way to talk her out of it. The most he could do was to get there as soon as possible. "Please, don't do anything stupid. I can be there in just over two hours if I don't hit traffic." This, he realized, would be next to impossible. It was near rush hour already, there would be no way to avoid it.

"I'll wait till he leaves, and give it plenty of time to make sure he doesn't come back. It will be fine."

Unconvinced, Logan stepped on the gas.

**A/N: I think it's safe to say that Logan didn't stay and wait for Luke to leave the bath house. I think he would have been racing to get back to Gia's as soon as possible. From what I googled, from Hollywood to San Diego it is 2 hours, 7 minutes, so I think if we assume that Logan started following Luke at around 1:30, give them the drive time plus all the stops and traffic in between, it could have been well after 4 before Logan talked to Veronica and left to get back to Neptune, right at rush hour.**


	11. Chapter 11 Worry

**A/N: I just stayed with it taking over 2 hours on a non-traffic journey to get back to Neptune from Hollywood. Works for me, hope it works for you all! Thanks!**

Chapter 11

It took forever to get back to Neptune. On a good day, it should take just over two hours, but today was not a good day for Logan. Traffic had been backed up due to a fender bender that had caused a complete stand still on the freeway, bringing his blood pressure to a boiling point. Minutes turned into an hour and still Logan was nowhere near Neptune.

He couldn't believe that they had misread the situation and that he had left Veronica vulnerable. He knew she thought that she would take safe measures, but she had always had a bad habit of getting herself into dangerous situations unexpectedly. His gut told him that she was in trouble.

He thought back to some of the many times in the past when she had been in perilous situations. At the River Styx, when he had found her pinned to a billiards table by an angry Irishman. Logan had pulled a gun to save her then. He remembered how angry she had been that he was carrying a weapon, but he had never regretted it. That incident would have gone a whole lot differently without it. He remembered the night on the roof of the Grand, how scared he had been when he had seen Beaver with the Taser, shocking her over and over again with it. If she hadn't have been able to text him that night, she would have been the one dead the next morning. The night at Hearst, when he had found her passed out next to her car, head partially shaved. That had just been happenstance that Logan had been looking for her. And the night Mercer and Moe had been arrested, it had been pure luck that there were students in the dorm to hear her use that whistle for help.

Lastly, he thought of an afternoon during their junior year of high school; the first time that he had been fully aware of the danger she put herself into. They had been on the phone, arguing, when she had suddenly gasped and dropped her phone. He still remembered the chill that had gone through him when he had heard the fear in her voice. Somehow, she had realized that Logan was still on the line and had been able to direct him to where she was being forced to drive. Logan hadn't even thought, he had just gotten directly into his Xterra and headed to the Camelot where he had gladly beat the shit out of the idiot who had tried to kidnap her.

That was the day they had shared their first kiss, the kiss that had begun it all. She had leaned in to kiss him as a thank you, but the feel of her lips on his had ignited him, causing him to take her in his arms without a second thought. It had been soul-sealing, for him at least, and there had been no going back after that point.

That had also been the beginning of his constant worry for her, one that he could not control no matter how hard he tried. Even when she wasn't rightfully his to worry about, he had worried. Even when he had resented her, he worried. Even these past nine years, he admitted now, he had worried for her. He had worried if she was safe, worried if she was happy.

It wasn't as if the worry had ruled his life. He wasn't that manic. Logan had definitely made his life without her, without the idea that she would come back to him. But the fact that they were part of each other, that they had had so many things to tie them to one another, made it impossible to not worry.

Now, as each mile brought him closer to where she was, he was allowing himself to remember those things that bound them together. He prayed that he would make it in time to help her, or that he was just overreacting. Hopefully, it was the latter, and he could pick her up and they could grab dinner. He tried to envision a normal evening where they could just order take out and watch a movie, relaxing together after the long day of surveillance. Somehow, though, he knew it wouldn't be quite that easy.

* * *

Logan pulled off the freeway, now only minutes from Gia's apartment. From a block away, he could see flashing lights of police cruisers and yellow caution tape strung out, blocking the road. He parked haphazardly, his eyes searching past the crowd that had formed, looking for her. He had his phone out and was frantically dialing her number as he neared the police barricade, pushing his way through all the gawking people.

Not far from the caution tape sat an ambulance, with its back doors open. There was an EMT coming out of the back, and just inside he suddenly saw her, sitting up right. He felt weak, his breath leaving him as he cried out, "Veronica!"

She heard him immediately, her eyes finding his. Veronica stopped the EMT and gestured toward Logan and said something Logan couldn't make out. The EMT then made his way toward Logan, lifting the caution tape and motioning him through.

Logan didn't give the EMT even a cursory glance as he went past him and went straight to where she was sitting inside the ambulance. His eyes took her in completely; seeing that she still looked whole, he sat down beside her on the gurney and hugged her tightly. "Oh my god, Veronica! Are you all right?"

Her arms went around him and he felt her take a deep breath. "I am now."

He pulled away from her to look into her eyes. "I couldn't get here sooner. There was a freaking wreck on the interstate, I tried, but-"

She shook her head, interrupting, "You don't need to explain." Suddenly there were tears pooling in her eyes, running down her cheeks. "Gia's dead. Logan, Cobb shot her."

Complete and utter terror shot through his body. "What are you talking about?"

She then explained what had happened, how she had gone to Gia's once Cobb had left but that somehow, Cobb had heard their conversation on the radio and had shot Gia through the window. How Cobb had come to the apartment and how she had barely managed to escape. How a cat had saved her life.

"I made a mistake with the bug, Logan. I screwed up and it cost Gia her life." Her face was filled with remorse. "I don't know what I was thinking; I should have known that Cobb might hear it." She began sobbing then, burying her head into his chest. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Trying to console her, he rubbed her back, murmuring, "You couldn't have known that. I'm so glad you're all right." He was only feeling relief that she was here with him and not in a body bag next to Gia's. As bad as it was that Gia was dead, he was aware that Veronica had barely walked away from death herself. "You're not hurt, are you? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

She shook her head, and pulled away from him. "They were just clearing me, checking all my vitals. The EMTs are done with me. I already gave my statement to the police…I better check one last time, but I want you to take me home. I can get my things later. It's all locked up in Gia's place; anyway, the police sealed it all. Cobb was arrested; they took him to the hospital with a police escort."

Logan helped her stand, and they walked hand in hand out of the ambulance and down to where there were a number of police officers standing near cruisers. They were told they could go, and that in the morning they likely would be contacting Veronica about her statement and arranging to get her things back to her. He could tell most of what they told her went straight over her head as she just leaned into him and let her lead her to his car.

He helped her into the passenger seat and then came around to sit in the driver's seat. As he buckled in, he turned to look at her. "I worried the whole way here about what was happening. If anything would have happened to you…"

Veronica was leaned back, head resting against the head rest, eyes closed. Quietly, she responded, "I know. It was stupid. I shouldn't have gone in until you were here. I realize that now. We should have gone in together or…hell, I don't know. It could have gone so much differently if I would have waited." She sighed, and opened her eyes to stare at him. "I honestly thought it would be fine."

He started the car, not saying anything as he carefully maneuvered the vehicle around the people milling about and then back towards the interstate. Veronica turned back straight in her seat, eyes straight ahead. Logan could tell she was done talking for now, which was fine by him. He was getting used to these silent rides with Veronica mute beside him.

* * *

Logan pulled to stop in front of her dad's house. She could tell he was still worried about her and probably wondering if she was in shock. At least she hadn't fallen asleep on the way back this time, and he didn't have to carry her in again. They both got out of the car at the same time, Logan coming around quickly to meet her and walk with her up to the front door. She let them into the house, turning on the living room light and shutting the door firmly behind them, locking the deadbolt.

"I'm going to go change. Make yourself at home, I'll be right back." Veronica left him to fend for himself while she went in to the guest room to find her bag and clean clothes. She took it all into the bathroom and took a shower, reveling in the warmth of the water, purging herself of the feel of death and destruction on her skin.

When she finally returned to the living room, Logan was sitting at the couch, the T.V. on and tuned to the local news. He smiled up at her, motioning her to sit down next to him. "I hope you don't mind, I called for delivery—lasagna? Sounded good and if I remember right, one of your favorites."

She smiled tiredly back at him. Remembered right, huh? "That sounds great. Would you like some wine or a beer?"

He shook his head, suddenly serious. "Um…no, water works for me. Go ahead and get yourself a glass, though."

That surprised her. Never in their previous lives would he have declined alcohol of any type. She went into the kitchen and got them each bottles of water and returned to sit next to him, handing him one.

After a few minutes of silence, Logan finally asked, "So…what happens now?"

Veronica cast a sideways glance at him. "You mean, with the case?"

"I mean…with everything, I guess. The case, your dad…you." He grabbed the remote and switched the T.V. off. "What's your plan? I've been wondering if you need some help arranging care for your dad-so that you can get back to New York. That firm that hired you won't be patient forever while you sort all this out, will they?"

She was touched at his thoughtfulness. "I…uh…I actually lost that job offer. It's a good thing, now, in light of everything that has been going on." She shook her head as she saw his look of shock. "It's fine, really. I can't go back now, at least for a while. Thank you so much for your offer of help…it means a lot to me. But I'm not going back to New York, not until Dad's on his feet again."

Logan looked away from her, and she saw him swallow. Hesitantly, he said, "And…well. I know you said last night that you and Piz were through…but—"

Veronica put her hand out and rested it on his arm, "I called Piz yesterday, when I was supposed to be on the plane back. He got upset, he broke it off. He had been getting impatient with my changing schedule...I wonder now if he knew it was over the minute I got on the plane to come here. He wasn't all that excited for me to come in the first place. I don't know; it's just a feeling I have."

He looked back at her, staring into her eyes. "But...did you want it to be over? I mean, if I wouldn't have called, you wouldn't have been here, he wouldn't have gotten angry."

Already, she was shaking her head. "Logan. No. I love Piz, I do. But he doesn't understand this part of me, here in Neptune. He always has assumed it was like Nancy Drew, just cutesy little cases. He's never understood what makes me tick, and I don't know, he's just never taken it seriously. I admit I wanted that for a long time, to not have this part of me. But now, I don't know. He just doesn't fit." She settled back into the cushions of the couch. "This past week has kind of…enlightened me; I guess that's the best way to describe it. As much as I've screwed up with everything, it still feels so good to be back at it. Piz would never have understood it; he wouldn't have had the patience to see it through, whatever this is; he proved that. You had nothing to do with what happened to Dad...I would have had to come because of that. Can you imagine, what would have happened if you wouldn't have been here last night? Dad would be dead, and I would be organizing a funeral. I would have had to come back." Her eyes widened, as she repeated softly, "I would still be here."

Logan reached out and drew her to him, hugging her tightly. "Hey, don't think about what ifs. We were here, and he's alive…that's all that matters."

She felt herself crumbling, within the comfort of his arms, so grateful for a safe place to let go of her emotions. He had always been her safe place, she realized. He had never betrayed her weaknesses to anyone; he had just been there for her. He had always been the solid rock that she could count on, and it hurt her suddenly that she had denied herself his understanding and care for so long.

She became aware of his heartbeat underneath her ear, the woodsy male scent that was so exclusively Logan, and his strong arms around her. Slowly, she turned her face into his neck, breathing him in. He stilled, aware of her movements, his breath catching. Veronica planted a soft kiss at the base of his collar bone, running her hands down his back and then pulling away to look at him. She drew her lips inward, chewing on the top one for a moment. "I don't know what I would have done if you wouldn't have been here, Logan." Her eyes flashed in amusement. "Dad will be beside himself when he realizes he owes _you_ his life."

Logan shook his head, chuckling softly. "He can just give me his first born."

She paused, startled. "Would you really want her?"

Abruptly Logan pulled her into him, his head dipping down so that his lips touched hers with a gentle force that took her breath. Deepening the kiss, he pushed his tongue into her mouth, melding with hers. His hands cupped her face, lightly feathering up her jawline and into her hair. Veronica reacted by pulling him closer to her, her hands running through his short-clipped hair to the collar of his shirt, restless. She felt her body inching closer to him, to where she was almost astride him, when, unexpectedly, the doorbell chimed. They sprang apart.

Logan stood, reaching for his wallet as he made his way to the front door. "Dinner's here."

Veronica stood as well, breathing slowly to regain her composure. "I'll get the plates."

**A/N: Thank you thank you for all the Favorites/Followings and reviews to this story. I think I only have 1 more chapter, I am still deciding if I should put in 1 more LoVe steamy scene, so it may turn into 2 more chapters. It has been fun dabbling with fanfic, and I have been toying with an original Veronica Mars mystery...I have some serious brainstorming to do regarding it. It has been so great to read all the reviews, I appreciate your support!  
**


	12. Chapter 12 Starting Over

**A/N: For those that asked. **

Chapter 12

They ate their food in companionable silence, every so often catching one another's eye and smiling. The words didn't need to flow; it seemed that they just required each other's presence for that moment of time. It had been so long; too many years to put into words, and neither wanted to disrupt the air that had settled down upon them.

Soon they were gathering their plates and utensils, taking the empty containers and placing them back into the delivery bag, bringing it all into the kitchen. After so many minutes in silence, Veronica was reluctant to break it, but she felt compelled to ask, "So, what's your plan? You should be cleared soon, tomorrow or the next day. You can get back to your regularly scheduled life." She paused, turning to look at him as he set their dishes next to the sink. "What's your regularly scheduled life?"

He slowly met her gaze, a look of hesitancy in his eyes. "Well, the Navy was hoping for good news in my case and basically left my schedule the same, so….I'm slated to deploy in two weeks."

She dropped her eyes from his, feeling her stomach drop. "Right. The Navy."

He stepped closer to her and then stopped. "I'll be gone six months."

Veronica's eyes flew back to his, her mouth opening and closing in shock, unsure of what to say. Finally, she said weakly, "Good thing you don't get seasick, that'd be one long boat ride." She blew out a breath. "Why is nothing ever easy? Why couldn't you be going back to work at, say, Dick's shop?" He was silent, so she continued, "Seriously, though, you must love it, the Navy. The Logan I knew would never conform easily to rules and structure for anything less, rarely even then."

He seemed to choose his words carefully as he replied, ""I do. It's something that I never imagined loving, but I do. I love the freedom the sky brings; it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. And who says I've conformed easily?"

She laughed lightly. She ached to ask him why he had ever enlisted, what brought him to that point in his life. But she felt that it might be too soon for that much probing, and so she let the question die on her lips. She was unwilling to bring up any old wounds tonight, things that might cause arguments or unhappiness between them.

She was silent instead, and so Logan teased, "We could have held on to the evidence for a few weeks, just long enough for the Navy to change my deployment date."

Her emotions bubbling over, she gave a watery laugh, ""I think I'll take your deployment over your imprisonment. Somehow I don't think the obstruction of justice to further my love life would have impressed the government much."

Logan reached out to touch her cheek, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Is that what this is? Your love life?"

She searched his face, looking for all the honesty he used to wear there when they were younger. She could see a vulnerable hunger is eyes, similar to what she was sure he could see reflected in hers. It was a wonderful revelation, she thought, that the feelings they experienced were still echoed in the other. Veronica pressed her face into his open palm and said, "Come on, Logan, you know I'm not into one stands."

Swallowing, he teased, "Well, yeah, I _used_ to know that. How do I know what you're like now? You could have a new dude every night, I wouldn't know."

She hit him softly with her fist. "You are _awful_."

He grinned, but turned serious as he continued, "Well, I wasn't sure what to think. It's not like we've been dating this past week." He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers skimming her jawline. "Although, you know surveillance has always turned me on."

Veronica sighed as he leaned in, touching his lips to hers, his hands gently framing her face. She kissed him back, her tongue tracing his lips, then pulling the bottom one into her mouth to nip it lightly. She put her hands up to his chest, up to his neck, and pulled her mouth away from his, resting her forehead against his chin. "Logan…"

He stepped closer to her, pushing her up against the counter, lifting her and setting her down onto the cool granite. His lips found hers and she drew his tongue into the cool warmth of her mouth. His hands began to move restlessly, dropping to her waist, inching down to cup her ass when her legs hooked around his. She relinquished control of his tongue; her head falling back as his lips trailed down her neck and into the V between her breasts, his hands traveling up her back, resting them at her shoulder blades. He slowly trailed a kiss back up to her jawline, and then gradually brought his head back away from her neck to meet her eyes, which were dilated with arousal.

A smile tugged at his lips when a pout formed on hers. "Can't resist me, huh?"

She was confused at why he stopped. Her eyes popped wide open as his hands encircled her waist and he helped her down off the counter. Taking her hand in his, he led her out of the kitchen, into the hallway and into the guest room that had become hers over the past few days. He paused at the edge of the hide-a-bed, a look of hesitation in his eyes as he turned to face her. "I thought maybe we could do this the old-fashioned way." He then sat down on the made-out bed, pulling her down on top of him, so that she straddled him.

Her fingers pulled at the buttons of his shirt, taking deliberate care to undo each button tonight. She ran her fingers down his chest, against his taut muscles, marveling at the leanness of him. Logan had always been fit; but the Navy had obviously toned his body into a sharper, trimmer version of himself. Together they worked to discard his shirt, and immediately she tipped her mouth down to taste the cool skin of his chest, planting a firm kiss above his heart, raising her eyes to see the heat pooling in his. His breathing became choppy as she rubbed her hands down to his belt buckle, pausing there while she straightened to look at him. "I never really thought this would ever happen again, you and me, here, like this."

Logan's hands caught hers, and he brought them up to his lips, kissing the fingertips. "Yeah, me neither. I thought last night might have been a momentary lapse in your judgment." He saw her pause, and he stopped, worried. "Was it a momentary lapse in judgment?"

Huskily, she laughed. "Last night was…wonderful. I'm not sorry it happened. I'm ready for a repeat."

He watched her, his eyes full of warmth and understanding. "I know what last night was about. What is tonight about?"

She stared at him for a beat, and then softly whispered, "Starting over."

* * *

Logan didn't hold back after that. As he kissed her lips, he lay down, pulling her with him onto the mattress and then rolling her onto her back, pulling back to smile at her in surprised wonder. The most he could have ever asked for had just been given to him in two simple words, words that he had given up hope of ever hearing cross her lips. This wasn't about comfort or release tonight; it was about making up for lost time. He felt it in her touch, the way her breath caught as he trailed his fingers beneath her shirt to unclasp her bra, the way she was allowing him to set the speed. He wanted to make love to her tonight, the way he had been wanting to for so long, to show her how much he needed her and wanted this chance to be with her again.

He helped her remove her shirt and bra, pulling back briefly to let her see how the sight of her affected him, and then his hands were on her, gently kneading her breasts while his mouth dipped down to take one into his mouth. Her body responded immediately to his touch, bucking fiercely beneath him, and as he kept the rhythmic circling of his tongue on her nipple, his hand drifted down to the button of her jeans, neatly unfastening and unzipping in one fluid motion. She lifted her hips so he could ease the jeans down and then off, pulling her panties along with them.

He sat up and regarded her, his eyes sweeping over her slowly. She opened her eyes and watched him apprehensively. Tentatively, he heard her say, "I hope you're not disappointed."

He shook his head in amusement. "Are you kidding?" Leaning back down, he traced the smooth skin beneath her breasts with his thumbs, his fingers running along her rib cage and to her hips. He brought his lips to hers, kissing her deeply, trying to express how very not disappointed he was. Just to be sure the message was clear; he let the whole weight of him rest on her for a moment, pressing his erection into her hip.

She began arching up into him, her breasts pressing into his chest, the skin on skin contact tantalizing and erotic, hands reaching for the snap on his jeans. He pulled away long enough to discard all of his remaining clothes then lay back on her, arms on either side of her, to support himself as his knee nudged her thighs apart so he could rest between them. He could feel her liquid heat, enticing him. She stared into his eyes, and he could see so much of the words that they had yet to say: longing, happiness, _love_. He had been wanting to prolong this moment, to give her as much satisfaction that he could, but her expression pushed him past his restraint, and he entered her, slowly, so that they could enjoy the feeling of their coupling for as long as possible, pressing deeply before setting a steady rhythm that she matched stroke for stroke.

* * *

The night was spent with little sleep. They both felt like they had to make the most of the time that was theirs; now that the flood gates were opened it was as if they couldn't get enough of each other. The midnight air was filled with their laughter and cries of pleasure, whispers of love, things that were best said in the security of darkness. Veronica had forgotten what it was like, the intense way that Logan made love; the two of them fitting perfectly to each other, it had never been this way with anyone else. The years had made him a more proficient lover, which surprised her because he had been pretty good at it when he was younger. He took even more time to please her and it made her want to return the favor, which she did, on several occasions.

As the light streamed in through the window early the next morning, Veronica was nestled into him, dozing. She watched as the room got lighter and lighter, wishing that she could hold on to the darkness for just a little longer. Real life was creeping back in with the light, and it felt heavy as it began to nag at her, to where she couldn't keep still. Slowly she sat up, wincing as her eyes adjusted to the light.

Logan groaned, his hands reaching out to half-heartedly try and pull her back to him, but she smiled down at him and stayed upright. "Rise and shine."

His eyes popped open, and he replied gloomily, "Reality bites."

"Yeah, and Neptune has sharp teeth." She swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "Time to go face it."

He followed her out of the bed. "Can I at least take you to breakfast first? After maybe a nice couples shower?"

His eyes were shining with mischief, and she laughed. "You make a compelling case to put off the inevitable."

* * *

Eventually, they ended up at a café not far from her dad's place, where they lounged over coffee and eggs benedict. They sat by a window that overlooked the beach, and Veronica stared out over the ocean as she sipped her coffee.

Finally, she set the cup down, looking at Logan intensely. "Can I ask you about Carrie?"

Logan swallowed his bite of eggs, set his fork down. "Will this be from the list of Veronica's one hundred and one awkward questions?"

She looked at him pointedly, a small smirk forming around her mouth. "Condensed version, twenty tops. I promise I'll keep the awkwardness to a minimum."

Quirking his eyebrows at her, he nodded. "Go ahead."

"I know you weren't dating when she died, but I just wondered, you know, if you wanted her back? I mean, you were with her for two years, according to the tabloids." She cleared her throat.

Logan watched as Veronica played with her coffee cup, nervously twisting her fingers around the handle. He felt a little nauseous. "Are you asking if you're the rebound?"

Her eyes shot up to meet his and then quickly dropped down to stare at her plate. "No! No, I just, realize that you had a relationship with someone for a long time and that you naturally could be missing her."

He reached out to still her hands, and entwined her fingers with his. "Veronica."

Blowing out a sigh, she continued, "Well, you asked me about Piz…"

He slowly nodded. "That's true." He searched his mind, "I knew Carrie and I were over a while ago. But with my schedule and hers…well, it just was easier to stay together. She was on tour a lot this past year, and when I found out about Sean…I wasn't surprised, or hurt or jealous. We kind of had already drifted apart by then. That first leaked video didn't tell the whole story about why I was angry. Honestly, if Gia and Cobb would have staged a suicide, I wouldn't have questioned it. That's where she was headed anyway."

Veronica murmured, "Now you know why."

He paused and stared out the window, not saying anything for a few minutes. Finally, he said, "I didn't want her back, not in the way you're asking. But I wasn't ready to just walk away from her, to let her deal with her demons on her own. She would have let them eat her alive, and I wasn't willing to walk away knowing that about her." He looked back at her. "Do you understand what I mean?"

Searching his face, she responded with a smile, "I know you. I can see why you would have felt it was your duty to help her, especially since no one else seemed to want to. Her closest friend plotted to murder her."

He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, exactly."

Softly, she said, "Carrie was lucky to have you, Logan." She leaned back in her chair, reaching to grab her purse. "I also am glad to know that I don't have to live up to those standards. You sure like being the knight."

"I just like how shiny the armor is." He stood, pulling out some cash to lay on the table. He waited as she stood, holding his hand out to take hers. "Where to now, milady?"

She cocked her head to the side, a gleam in her eye. "TMZ?"

**A/N: This was a tricky chapter for me to write. I hope you enjoyed it! It's coming down to the wire with this one, probably just one more you for all the reviews and followings/favorites!  
**


	13. Chapter 13 Back

The day was spent with police, lawyers, and paparazzi. Veronica felt a certain vindication when she had handed over the footage of Lamb refusing to help Logan, even though it felt like she was feeding a pack of ravenous wolves. It had made her slightly nauseous to see the gleam in the reporter's eyes, but the promise of Lamb's humiliation was too great for her to have too much guilt over it.

Currently, she was sitting in a very uncomfortable vinyl covered chair next to her dad's hospital bed. The doctor's had cleared her to visit and she had arrived as the evening meal was being served, but not, of course, to Keith. He was still unconscious from meds, but the nurses promised that soon he would be awakening.

The television was on as she was waiting for the promised clip of Logan's exoneration plus Lamb's disgrace on TMZ. Exhaustion was consuming her and she felt herself slipping into a fitful sleep as she sat there, legs drawn up onto the seat and her head leaned back awkwardly.

"Are you a sight for sore eyes!" Her dad's weak voice suddenly broke through the lull of the monitors beeping.

Quickly, she sat up, knocking a magazine from her lap to the ground, exclaiming, "You're awake!"

"I see you've cleared Logan, bringing Lamb down a notch in the process." Keith gestured toward the television, where TMZ was wrapping up its report about the charges against Cobb and the video of Lamb.

She grinned, "All while you were playing Rip Van Winkle. When will you pull your own weight around here? Sheesh." She came and sat on the edge of his bed, taking hold of his hand. "Man, you scared me! It's so good to see the whites of your eyes."

Keith's squeezed her hand. "What happened?"

Veronica searched his face, looking for a sign of recognition. "All I know is that you were in a car with Sacks and someone broadsided the thing, on purpose. Logan was there and somehow got you out before the truck turned around to hit it again."

Keith's eyes widened. "Sacks?"

"He was DOA. There was nothing they could do." She heard her voice start to tremble so she took in a deep breath to calm it.

"Sack is dead?" Processing this, Keith stared out the window. "I remember that we met in the parking garage, he had some information for me. He was nervous…jittery. I don't remember a lot after that."

"Dad, what information did he have? Lamb isn't saying anything, there hasn't been much released about it, which is strange in light of an officer being involved and killed. What was your meeting about?"

There was a reluctant gleam in his eyes. "He was my informant in the department. We were discussing the tampering of evidence and that the gun on Weevil was planted."

Her suspicions were confirmed and Veronica shook her head in anger. "Then it was the department that did this. They had to have known Sacks was meeting you. What other reason is there that this happened? They are going down, Dad. This is it. We have to take them down."

"There is no 'we' honey," he said sternly. "You have a life in New York that you have to get back to and I won't have you dragged into this."

The look on his face was serious. Veronica felt the urge to argue, but knew this wasn't the time. He had just woken from a two day drug induced coma, and he needed to focus all of his energy on getting well. She was relieved when they were interrupted by nurses and doctors, bustling in through the door without as much as a courtesy knock.

Keith seemed just as content to leave the discussion behind as the evening visiting hours slipped by, keeping the conversation light. At eight o'clock, Veronica was succinctly kicked out, and as she kissed his fore head, she promised to return the next morning as soon as they would let her back in.

Driving alone toward the beach house, Veronica was in turmoil, her mind conflicted about the information her dad had so grudgingly admitted. If the police department had arranged to have one of their own killed that meant the stakes were higher than ever in Neptune. With Keith out of commission for weeks, possibly months, who would be here to protect and serve those that didn't have enough money or resources to find true justice?

Her thoughts turned to Eli, how he was trying to live by the book and raise a good family. There were many blue-collared workers living paycheck to paycheck, just trying to get by. Lots of good men turned sour because of being bullied by those that could push their weight and money around. It worried her to think of what the accusation by Celeste Kane could cause Weevil to do.

There was so much more that was and would be affected by an unethical police force. Cases would go ignored and botched, lives would be torn apart. As long as Keith had the doors to Mars Investigations open, there was hope for those cases.

Without even thinking about it, she found herself signaling and taking all the necessary turns to MI. She parked at the curb, got out of the car, and approached the front door. She let herself in and turned on the lights, heading to the inner office where her dad's desk was, covered with files. Thumbing through them, there was a familiar tug of interest as she read the case headings: cheating spouses, insurance fraud, and long-lost family members.

It was a little thrilling, thinking of how easy it would be to fall back into this life-style. She had always had a knack for digging for information, thinking of all the right questions to ask, and getting people to tell her things they ordinarily wouldn't share. The years had never taken that completely out of her; she had just denied herself of it. There had been many instances when she had physically bit her tongue to keep from asking too many questions these past few years.

New York was already becoming unimportant to her, even in just over a week. There was no job, no classes, and no one to go back to there. Her friends were casual acquaintances at best; it had been too hard to get close to anyone else besides Piz when she had been so focused on the Bar and job interviews lately. Hardly anyone would even notice that she wasn't there anymore. With a pang she realized she didn't even have a place to live in New York any longer. Piz had suggested about six months earlier that she should just move in with him to save money when her lease was up at her teensy place. If and when she went back, the whole nightmare of finding a place would begin again.

There was a niggling at the back of her mind telling her that she should just stay. Everyone and everything that had ever truly mattered to her was in Neptune. In Neptune, there was purpose that she didn't have in New York. Helping those that couldn't help themselves, which was what she was good at. Helping the privileged that would pay any amount to keep their privileged lives made her skin crawl, honestly. The Truman-Mann position and all the others like it would most likely boil down to just that.

She could use her newly learned understanding of how the law worked to better their cause. With that understanding and sensitivity, she would be better able than ever to work and solve cases. There could be no stopping her and her dad. The worst thing she possibly do right now would be to walk away.

A peace filled her as she realized her place was to stay in Neptune. Veronica had been out in the world, had seen the way that the rest of the country worked, and it was not the way this place worked. The best work she could do outside of Neptune would never better _Neptune_. By staying and working from the inside out, there would be hope for this shady little town to turn into the sunny little California town it should be. She had only thought she could stay away, but the truth was, she would never be free of this place because it was too much a part of her.

The clock on the wall said 9:30, so with new determination, she locked up with a vow to be back the next morning bright and early at eight. She would need to consider hiring an assistant, at least temporarily, to help play catch up with some of the cases that her dad had been working on. Tomorrow would tell a lot, but first, she needed to find Logan.

All the lights were on inside the beach house, and the glow of the front porch light was welcoming as Veronica approached it. Ringing the doorbell, she waited as she watched through the glass panes as Logan came jogging from the kitchen and down the hall to open the door for her. He looked great, wearing board shorts and a worn looking t-shirt, with a sparkle in his eye that she hadn't seen it quite a while.

Holding the door open wide for her, Logan stepped aside as she came in. "I got your text that your dad woke up. I'm really glad to hear that. How is he doing?"

The house smelled of a meal being cooked and she was momentarily distracted by her stomach growling. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Trying to impress me with your homemaking skills, are you?"

"Actually-"Logan began but was interrupted by a loud, "OW!" from the kitchen. Rolling his eyes, he continued, "It's the culinary arts of Dick."

Her mouth formed a silent "O" and they continued into where Dick was placing sautéed vegetables and chicken into a large serving bowl. Looking up from his work, Dick grinned at her, "Great job with the super sleuthing, dude-_ette_." He wrinkled his lips up in a grimace, "That houseboat of hoorahs was actually the houseboat of _horrors_, huh?"

Veronica could see that as much as he was playing it off, Dick had been affected by the news of his friends covering up Susan's death. The framing of his best friend by them was probably just as shocking. She eyed Logan, who shrugged and followed Dick out to the dining table, which had been set for two, with a third plate off to the side. Logan pulled a chair out for her and as she took it, Dick grabbed the third plate, loaded it with rice and some stir fry. He then saluted, promptly turning and walking out of the door that led to the beach.

"Thanks for waiting for me to eat," Veronica said as they both began to fill their plates. "I really meant to be here a lot sooner."

"Yeah, you didn't answer my question about your dad. Is that why you're so late? Did they let you stay a while since he woke up?" Logan asked, pouring her a glass of water from a carafe.

She swallowed her first bite. "He's great, actually. Better than they expected at this point. Although, they still say it will be a few months, with rehab and all that." Pausing, she tried to think of the best way to approach why she was late. "They kicked me out at eight."

Looking slightly confused, Logan replied, "Must have been some traffic jam."

Setting her fork down next to her plate, she took in a slow breath and then looked straight into his brown eyes, feeling a slight thrill go through her. It would never get old, she thought, looking at him, into his soul. The way he was patiently waiting for her to explain what she needed to, with no pressure or expectation. She loved it. "Uh, I took a….slight detour to Mars Investigations. I wasn't planning to head in there till next week, but I needed to make sure there weren't any pressing cases, so I stopped in."

"I had been wondering about that myself." Logan went back to his food. "How did that go?"

"Well, his case load should be manageable, but I think I will hire a temp though. It was interesting to dig through his files and get a feel for the biz again. It really hasn't seemed to have changed much." She took a sip of water. "It made me think though, about why he loves PI work and how it's so complex. It made me wonder about you, and the Navy. Last night you said you loved the freedom of the sky when you're flying. But that can't be the only reason, is it? Why do you really love the Navy?"

His fork paused, halfway to his mouth. Blinking, he set it back down, carefully placing it on his plate. "Subject changed. Okay. I need to catch up a bit. What do I love about the Navy?" He cleared his throat. "The trite answer would be about flying, how great it is. But I could fly anywhere, really. I don't need the Navy for that. I could be a pilot for a big airline, I could fly wildfire planes, I could fly just to fly."

He stopped, as if unsure where to start. "When…when I first looked into the Navy, it was right after you left, you know, for Stanford. I had gone down to the career counselor's office and took one of those stupid tests that tell you 'you should be an architect because you liked to draw when you were five.' My test said I would be a good fit in the military." He looked over at her, a slightly vulnerable look in his eye. "So I looked into the branches, and found that the Navy was for me. You have to understand, that the training they give you, and the loyalty you form for these guys that you don't know from Adam, is like nothing else that I've ever experienced. They're like my family now, those guys. We go out on missions…we have opportunities to help the country, help people…I don't know, it's something I've always had in me-to help people that need helped. The Navy's how I do it."

His need to help mirrored her need to help, though in a grander scale. It was reassuring to hear him speak of how much it mattered to him, to be a part of something so special. It helped her to understand that the need she was feeling to stay in Neptune was a necessary part of her, just as the Navy was necessary for Logan. The conversation was bringing up a new conflict, though, that had nothing to do with them helping others. It had to do with their relationship. Hearing him talking, she was seeing that it wasn't going to be easy between them. Before, it was emotional distance that had destroyed them, but now…it would be physical distance that could potentially do the same.

His eyes were shining, and Veronica could feel her heart constricting with conflicting emotions. She had never seen Logan speak about anything with such conviction, with such joy in his voice. She could see that he truly loved what he did, and it made her so happy for him, to see that he was content with his life and choices. It was confusing, though, because a selfish part of her wished he didn't have this other life that was beyond Neptune. She honestly had never thought much about what Logan's life was like beyond the confines of her memory of him. In her mind, he had always been here in Neptune, like her dad had always been here, continuing on, same as ever, as if waiting in the shadows for her return.

Her hand snaked over the table to cover his and he stopped, chuckling softly. "Am I boring you? Sorry, I'll stop."

Shaking her head, she replied in a soft voice, "I love that you love it. I really do." Sighing, she pushed her plate away. "It's great to see you so passionate about something, something that can make a difference in lives other than yours. I have always had a need for that, too. Helping people has always been important to me."

After a few minutes, Logan squeezed her hand, and she glanced at him. "Is this the part where you say that New York is filled with need and now that your dad is awake you're heading back?"

She barked out a laugh. "No." She held his gaze. "NO. This is the part where I say that I am not going back to New York because I can't help people there."

Blinking, completely shocked, Logan sputtered, "Wh—what?"

Veronica continued, "At his office, it just hit me, I can't leave. Not with a clear conscience. When I left all those years ago, I thought I was doing everyone here a favor. But I'm starting to see that no matter how far I run I will always end up here. This is where I need to be."

Worriedly, Logan said, "What about New York? Don't you have a life there?"

A smile curled on her lips. "You don't really care about New York."

"Well, no, but you do."

As she explained to him more of what she had been thinking, about how little New York had to offer her, Veronica could see him visibly relax in his chair. When she had said all that she could say, they sat in silence until Logan finally said, "I like that you want to stay, Veronica. And your reasons are sound, but I need you to know…that you don't need to stay in Neptune for me. Please stay for you and your reasons. Not for us. I never thought you would be staying here beyond…beyond helping your dad recover. It's not a clause in the relationship that you live here."

"Can't one of my reasons be you, though?" Veronica smiled. "I want to be near you, Logan. This…thing we have, it doesn't seem to be breaking over distance or time, and I just don't see why we should make it any harder than we have to by having me across the country when there's no reason to. There's nothing there for me anymore." Slowly, she remarked, "You'll be far enough away as it is."

Quietly, he whispered, "You don't know how much I hate that, that I have to leave so soon." Raising his voice a notch higher, he confessed, "With Carrie I was always glad to go."

Nodding, Veronica smiled sorrowfully. "I hate it too."

There was a clatter at the door as Dick pushed his way through, his arms burdened with his plate and a beer bottle. "Don't mind me…I need a refill and I will be on my way. You guys need to keep it down in here! You're waking up all the neighbors, it's embarrassing." He quickly passed them and went into the kitchen, where they could hear him rummaging through the fridge and the unmistakable hiss of lid being popped off a beer bottle. He then passed by them again and headed out the door, not saying anything.

Logan stood, gathering their dishes. "Want to go for a walk on the beach?"

Helping him, she grabbed what she could and brought it into the kitchen. "Can we just hang out here for a while? It sounds so nice to be lazy with you instead of a walk. That sounds like work." She gestured toward the living room, "We could watch a movie? Easy Rider?"

Pulling her into him, he smiled lazily, "A night in? I can think of better things to do than watch a movie."

**A/N: Okay, well looks like I didn't wrap this all up. There will be more to come. This was a much needed chapter in my mind to understand Veronica's true motivation for staying. I hope it all made sense! Thank you thank you for all your wonderful reviews and support, and everyone reading!**


	14. Chapter 14 Promises

**A/N: So this is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going... This chapter is Rated M. The praise I got before about not writing trashy trash...well, I may have voided that here. But I wanted them to have a nice conversation about how they would correspond when he went back to the Navy, and this was what I was inspired to write. Hopefully that's all right. I realize this chapter is much shorter than the others. One more chapter and then Logan will leave :(**

Hours later, they lay together in the "extra" room that Logan inhibited while visiting Neptune and Dick. Veronica had been reluctant at first to stay the night there, but one long look from Logan had made her cave. Now they were staring out of the huge picture windows at the moon over the ocean, listening to the hypnotic sound of the waves splashing onto the shore. It was peaceful, lying here next to each other, with nothing to disrupt their solitude.

Logan's hand ran up and down the swell of her hip, his face nestled into her hair, her back against his naked stomach. His teeth grazed her ear, and he pulled her closer into him, relishing her warmth.

"You have me at a slight disadvantage, sir." Veronica turned her head so that her mouth met his, kissing him. He took the opportunity to dip his tongue into her mouth, causing her to moan. "But I like it."

She turned and pushed him onto his back, to straddle him, her hair cascading down her shoulders, a sultry grin on her lips. "Your turn." Her hands found his wrists, and she drew his arms up over his head, sinking her back down as she did so to let the tips of her breasts brush his chest as her lips touched his lightly. He groaned, his arms pulling beneath her grasp. "Tsk, tsk. You are not allowed to fight your restraints."

Her words and the feel of her thighs encasing his hips enflamed him, causing his body to quicken and he felt the stirrings of arousal. Her eyes were dark with desire as she slid her bottom toward his erection, tilting just right that she caught the tip of him with her wet heat and slid him deep inside of her. Her lip curled in satisfaction as Logan let out a hiss of approval. She slid back up the length of him, plunging quickly down, her stomach rubbing against his. She continued to milk him, her hips beginning rhythmic rolling as her elbows came to rest beside his head, her lips on his. Taking this as an opportunity, he began to draw his hands into her hair, but she pulled back and caught his wrists again. Still moving on top of him, she shook her head dramatically. "You ought to be punished for not obeying."

She took his hands and placed them on her breasts, sitting upright, and then pulled him up so he was sitting upright with her. She flipped her legs around so that they were wrapped around him, her arms around his neck. He grinned. "If this is punishment, chain me to the bed post."

Leaning down, he took one of her nipples into his mouth as Veronica threw her head back in pleasure, pushing her breast further into his mouth as he suckled it, the tip beading under his tongue. One hand caressed her back as the other made its way between them, to her core. He could feel her tightening around him, tighter and tighter, her breathing choppy and erratic, suddenly crying out as she came, her hands fisting into his hair, her body pushing down onto him. As her body was recovering, he lay her down between his legs, still joined, his fingers still busily working her center.

"Logan, I can't handle much more!" She sighed with a moan, and already he could feel the tightening of her muscles around him once again. Her hands were bunching up in the sheets around her, and again she crashed around him, causing Logan's release, hard and fast as she pulled him further into her. He pulled her back up into his embrace; his lips running up her neck and then into a crushing kiss.

As the kiss slowed, Logan lay down, letting Veronica rest on his chest, his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head, a sense of contentment filling him. This was how it should always be between them, he knew. They should always be as one, as lovers. He had missed this all these years, and now when he had finally gotten her back, he was soon to leave. His arms tightened around her.

She seemed to sense his emotion, because she tipped her head up to look in his eyes, a slight smile on her lips. "Make memories while we can, huh?"

Logan kissed the tip of her nose, and smiled. "Less than two weeks left till you can get rid of me."

Deeply sighing, Veronica rolled away from him to stare up at the ceiling. "Is that what you call it?"

"It won't be that bad, I promise. Think about the past six months, it went fast, right? We'll just keep busy and soon it will be July and I will be back."

"How often will I get to talk to you? Do you ever get to have video chats or anything?" The hopeful look on her face made him smile. "I've never been very good with the letter thing, but I would try." She wrinkled her nose. "Do they read your personal mail? I wouldn't want just anybody reading my special erotica poetry written for you."

He raised his eyebrows with interest. "I will take the chance and say no, just to see what you send."

"That borders on kissing and telling. I'm very unimpressed." She glowered at him teasingly. "So much for protecting my virtue."

Logan chuckled, "Hey, the promise of kinky letters is just what I need to get me through those six months. It gets pretty lonesome on the ship; I have only these hands to keep me company. Wouldn't you rather I be enjoying your written word to the very informative articles of_ Playboy_? Don't disappoint a sailor here!"

She jabbed his side. "If those are your options, we'll have to see what we can do. I might see if there is a book to read called _How to Satisfy Your Man with Prose_." She paused, a mischievous gleam in her eye, "But I was always under the impression that men were more visual than imaginative."

"Ms. Mars, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Logan teased.

Veronica waggled her eyebrows seductively. "I could be convinced. You'd need to return the favor."

Groaning, Logan replied, "You're killing me! Don't tempt me!"

"Who said I was teasing?" She leaned up to kiss him, and then turned serious again. "But really, what can I expect from you while you're gone?"

"Well," he started, "we can have Skype dates, depending on what's going on. It's pretty sporadic, we would really have to work on that as we go. I never have a set day or time to talk to people at home. Email is the best form, and even then I can't promise there's service to write back. You can send snail mail, but it takes forever. If we're ashore, I would call you." He pulled her into him. "I will try my damnedest to contact you as much as possible. And as for the content? Just tell me about you. Tell me about your years in New York, and law school. I want to hear about it all, I want to know you and everything about the past nine years. Even the stuff about Piz…if you want." He nuzzled her hair, inhaling the scent. "I want so much more this time, Veronica. I want all of you."

She stilled, taking in his words. Tipping her head up, he could see tears in her eyes. "Then I want the same from you, Logan. I want those nine years to be part of our story." She kissed him then, softly. "If the price of nine years is what we have to pay for this to work, I'm glad for them. But there is a part of me that regrets taking so long to come back to you."

"Write me those emails, Veronica, the longer the better. Promise me. Nine years will seem shorter than these six months coming up without them." Leaning in, he trailed kisses across her face. "All I'll have are the memories that we make in the next twelve days if you don't."

"Then let's get working on them, then you can have memories and letters. I promise." Veronica ran her hands up into his hair, staring deeply into his eyes before losing herself to his caresses once again.

**A/N: ****I have had epiphany about this story. Please comment yay or nay or that you don't care but...I was thinking that I could do chapters with the long letters about their nine years apart.** If no one cares, or if you are tired of my back and forth about how long this story is, I will sum it up and be done next chapter. Thank you thank you for all the support during this, my First Fan Fic ever. Thanks!


	15. Chapter 15 Declarations

**A/N: I'm hoping this chapter isn't too mushy. Thanks for all the encouragement. I will be continuing with this story. And it will most likely stay in the fluff zone, as my other story I'm working on has the mystery element. Thank you thank you thank you for all the reviews, they keep me going, and all the favorites/followers.**

The best day came four days later when the hospital called to say they were moving Keith out of ICU to the recovery floor. Logan would now be able to visit with Veronica. The look in her eyes when she asked if he would join her was something he couldn't refuse, even though part of him was a little reluctant to do so. He worried how Keith was reacting to the news that he was with Veronica again, which he knew she had told her dad during one of her previous visits. As much as Logan would like to believe Keith would be happy for her, he knew was aware Keith had never been his number one fan. He hoped that the visit wouldn't be too awkward or painful, but he would endure it for Veronica's sake.

They entered Keith's room, Logan following Veronica slowly. He watched as Keith glanced and saw them, quickly turning the TV off with the remote. Grinning, Keith motioned them in, saying, "Perfect timing! Days of Our Lives just finished." He made a face, "Although, I was looking forward to General Hospital. That's a sacrifice I'll have to make, though."

Logan hadn't seen Keith since the night of the incident, and was surprised to see how bad he still looked. His face was still bandaged and he looked tired, the lines on his face haggard. He was propped up in the bed with an IV drip, but the doctors had taken him off oxygen earlier which was promising, and there was a spark in his eye that gave proof to his healing.

Nervously, Logan stood at the end of the bed while Veronica greeted her father with a light kiss and hug. Keith then looked straight at Logan and said without preamble, "I want to thank you for saving my life, Logan."

Unprepared for his statement, Logan tipped his head down. "I just did what anyone else would have done in that situation."

Shaking his head slowly, Keith replied, "No, you did what most people are afraid to do. You put your life on the line. From what I've been told, you easily could have been killed yourself. That's amazing, so thank you." Keith paused, collecting his thoughts. "You know, I'm not wrong very often, but I'm really glad I was wrong about you. I wasn't convinced that you weren't guilty, that you weren't involved with that murder. But Veronica here," he looked lovingly at his daughter, "she knew the truth and didn't even question it. You've turned into a fine man, Logan. I'm proud of what you've done with your life."

Embarrassed, Logan stuck his hands into his pocket and looked out the window, not sure how to respond. Someone, proud of him? It made him feel…vulnerable, and a bit like that teenaged self that had just needed _someone _to believe in him. He felt his heart start pounding in his chest and he felt ridiculously emotional.

Keith pushed the food tray away from his bed to sit himself up more comfortably. "Veronica? Honey, would you mind going down and seeing if the nurse would get me more ice? That would be great. Oh, and another jello cup if they have one."

Logan caught Veronica's eye as she quietly stood to leave both knowing that Keith was dismissing her. He felt like grabbing onto her shirttails and hanging on. The "Big Talk with the Dad." He prepared himself for the lecture that he was sure to come about how he should just let Veronica move on with her life.

They both were silent for a few minutes, Logan still unsure of what to say, still staring out the window. Finally, Keith broke the silence.

"Logan? Son," Logan's eyes flew to Keith's, "I know what Veronica means to you. You've proven it many times over. The number one proof is that you let her leave all those years ago." He smiled kindly, "I've been there, you know? Loved someone so much….but when they don't choose you, it's better to just let them go and see where they land. If they come back…"He shrugged, "Well, what can I say? You're one lucky son of a bitch that Veronica chose to come back to you."

"Sir, I don't intend to mess this up again. This chance…well, this chance is everything to me. I never thought that I would get it again." Swallowing, he continued, "It means a lot to me, more than you'll ever know, to know how you feel. To hear you say...," _SON,_ "that you're proud of me. There aren't words…to express what that means."

"Well, don't count on hearing it again," Keith grinned, "I'm not an overly sentimental type a guy, so this is as mushy as I get. Just know that I'm pulling for you. From here on out."

Veronica returned then, looking between them with suspicion. "Were you two about to braid each other's hair?"

"Logan forgot the scrunchies in the car," Keith answered with a wink, "we were just talking about the World Series."

"Huh," Veronica said with feigned innocence, "I could have sworn the World Series was over in October."

"Doesn't mean we can't talk about it." Logan interjected. "So, Mr. Mars, how's the hospital food? Are you about ready to break out of here for some Italian?"

Keith groaned, "Now that's cruelty, really. Bringing up what a man can't have."

"Actually…"Veronica slyly pulled a takeout bag from her messenger bag, "I talked to your doctor about whether you could have a treat, and he seemed to have no problems as long as it's mild, so we got a veggie lasagna, no spicy meatball. Doctor's orders."

* * *

The afternoon passed quickly and all too soon, Veronica and Logan were exiting the hospital and heading for Logan's car in the parking lot. Logan thoughts were still turning over the surprising conversation that he'd had with Keith. He hadn't expected as much as Keith had just given him.

"You're awfully quiet," Veronica said, lightly pushing her shoulder into him as they approached his car. "Penny for your thoughts."

He opened her door and let her slide, shutting it firmly before heading to the driver's side, getting in and starting the ignition. "I was just thinking how glad I am that your dad is recovering so quickly. I wish his injuries weren't so severe, though."

"They could have been worse, though, thanks to you they weren't."

Backing out of the space, Logan carefully maneuvered the car out of the lot and onto the street. "How drugged up is he? He was in awfully good spirits."

Muffling a laugh, Veronica conceded, "He _was_ being awfully nice to you. I should call and check the dosage. Maybe tell the nurses to tone it down, that it's causing personality changes."

Logan's hands tightened on the steering wheel as he glanced over at her. "Maybe have them start the lower dosage _after_ my deployment."

* * *

It alarmed Veronica how fast two weeks could fly. The days were filled with trips to the hospital and managing Mars Investigations, which was quickly becoming a full time job. Logan was able to keep his schedule mostly open and was able to accompany her most of the time. It reminded her of their first summer together, when she would meet him after his summer courses and they would hang out all afternoon. Except that instead of making out in the back of his Xterra, they were making out in the back office of MI.

Their agreement about the letters to come had given them the freedom to just _be _with each other during these two weeks. It was freeing to know that any serious conversation could wait until words were all they had between each other. Right now, it was about getting back on track physically, and so stolen kisses in corners and long glances got to be the norm. Secret smiles began to annoy those around them (i.e., Dick) , but it kept it light-hearted and fun.

A few nights before his deployment, Logan had brought over some Thai takeout to MI, where Veronica was pouring over case files, trying to get a handle on some overly technical jargon. She was sitting on the ground and leaning against a wall, legs stretched out in front of her, files fanned out around her. As he approached her, she looked up and grimaced. "Dad's filing system is from the dark ages. I swear, it's worse than I thought it would be. I think the best thing is to completely start over." Her eyes lit up when Logan proffered the bag. "Ooh, did you bring some Pad Thai?"

He pulled the bag away from her teasingly. "What do I get if I did?"

She considered this. "Two hours sorting files with me? Mac's on her way over, I called for reinforcement."

Logan sat beside her and began pulling out the cartons of food. "Ah, foreplay. I forgot how cute you look behind a stack of case files."

Veronica harrumphed. "Well, get used to it. I'm not going anywhere tonight. If the phone messages are any indication, I'll be so busy the entire six months you're gone, I won't even notice you've left."

There was a knock at the door as Mac entered, wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a black computer bag slung over her shoulder. "Please tell me your clothes are all still on."

"I am so glad you are here!" Veronica stood up to greet her. "Dad's computer files are a mess and I really think he should go digital but I don't know where to start, please, please, please, _please_ help!"

Laughing, Mac made herself at home behind the front desk and began pulling out her laptop. She looked around. "Somehow I think it's more than computer files. Does Keith even _have_ a computer?"

"Just _help." _Veronica clasped her hands together in a pleading gesture. "I was thinking of hiring a temporary assistant, but I would much rather pay you to come in and help when you can. You know way more than anyone at a temp agency anyway."

Booting up her computer, Mac shrugged. "Let's see where we get tonight. But sure, I'd love to help you. It might be fun digging around the case files. I could use some serious stimulus after the nine to five at Kane Software."

Morning light filtered through the dingy windows above where Mac still worked vigorously on her computer. She had managed to get through one whole stack of cases but that didn't even put a dent in what needed to be done.

"Seriously, is there a method to this madness?" Mac asked for probably the hundredth time. "How has he done this for so long without an assistant?"

Veronica stood, stretching, stepping around where Logan slept curled up next to her on the couch. "I don't think it ever crossed his mind that it was getting out of hand, to be honest. When I was in college, he tried to hire help, but gave up. Decent help was too hard to find."

"This is so intriguing, though. I mean, look at some of these cases." Mac opened the top file closest to her, "Wife cheating on husband with husband's brother? Too good." Smirking, Mac searched through until she found the one she was looking for, "And this one? People vandalizing their neighbors to get them to move? The lengths and depths people go to astound me." She checked the time and sighed. "I have to go make a real living now. Ah, it's been years since we last stayed up all night, digging for information." Handing Veronica a flash drive, Mac instructed her, "You're going to want to go buy a decent computer today. I can come over later to help you set up some programs and get you going." She wrote down something on a piece of paper, also handing it to Veronica. "This is how much memory you're going to need and—what?" She paused when she looked to see Veronica take the paper with a flinch.

Grimacing, Veronica answered, "It's just…I still think I'll buy the wrong thing. Is there any way that you'd be willing…." She eyed her. "Never mind. Give me the information. I'll do my best."

Obviously thinking, Mac chewed on her lip and said, "I could probably take some personal time. I haven't yet and we're slow right now…"

Veronica shook her head. "No, no, don't take any time off for this. It's not your problem, I mean, I'll just ask the salesman for help and we'll be golden."

But Mac was already dialing her phone, placing it to her ear. "We're good, Bond. I'm happy to play your Q for another day. Just give me a blank check and I can go play." After she had left her message to her boss, she looked at Veronica with a grin, "I hear you could use some updates in the gadgetry department. Really, an old radio-transmitted bug? Couldn't you come up with better, even on your own?"

Veronica felt her cheeks flush, thinking back to how Cobb had discovered her in Gia's apartment. "Hey, I was on a time crunch that day. I think on my feet." Rolling her eyes, she said, "It was a stupid mistake. It's not as easy as it used to be, that's for sure."

Grinning, Mac replied,"Well, now you got me."

* * *

All too soon, it was their last night together. Dick had offered right away that morning to sleep in the office at the surf shop, surprising Logan with his thoughtfulness. While Veronica had been at work, plugging away at cases, Logan had packed his bags, picked his uniforms up at the dry cleaners, doing all the last minute banal things that needed to be done before departure.

Once that was done, he had headed to the grocery store and picked up all the necessary things to make Veronica a home cooked meal, something he had yet to do. He had picked the menu carefully, picked mood music and flowers, all the things to make the evening unforgettable. When he had brought the sacks of groceries in and set them down, he knew he had one last thing he needed to do before he began the dinner.

He went into where Dick's home office was, finding plain stationary and a pen. Sitting down in behind the desk, he rolled the pen between his fingers, thinking. Finally, he just decided to write.

_Dear Veronica,_

_This has been the best two weeks that I have had in a long time. Probably nothing compares to it, except maybe those weeks after graduation and before Hearst, when we were so happy to be alive and to have each other. Those are days that I haven't let myself think of for so long, I had almost forgotten they existed, but not really. I just had to deny myself reliving them so I wouldn't remember what it was really like to be happy._

_When I called you three weeks ago, I had no intention or hope that we would be where we are today. I knew you had a life—New York—and I figured you had relationships and things that were making you happy. But I was desperate, and no one here believed a word out of my mouth. The first thought that came through my head when Lamb was reading my rights was that YOU would be here in a minute if you knew I needed you. _

_I have to say, though, that I have always needed you. Even those years when I was such a prick and awful to you, it was because I didn't know how to admit that I needed you. You know what my life was like before you—crazy. You knew me before I even knew myself, you know? You even knew me better than Lilly did when she was alive. Better than Duncan. Better than Dick._

_When you left, I wasn't glad that you left. But I knew that if you could get out of Neptune, and out of this war that we were a part of, that I wasn't going to stop you from leaving. I didn't have it in me to fight anymore. It hurt me. I won't lie. It hurt me, and I was a mess for a while. Even when I tried to get my life on track, I had days that I'm not proud of. _

_I had a conversation with Mac not long after you left. She told me that I needed to start living for _me_ and that I had to find a way to make myself happy. That I was more than the tragedies in my life. That if you and me had a "snowball's chance in hell" I think is how she put it, that I had to stop living for you and live for me. That was some of the best advice anyone has ever given me. Because without it, I don't know what I would have become._

_I joined the Navy and learned that I loved it. Dick thought I was crazy, I think most people did, but it works for me and I love it. I love the way I feel when I fly, I love the responsibility it gives me, I love that I'm helping the nation. I love that when I'm deployed, I'm not Aaron Echolls son. They have never treated me with star status. I crave normalcy, and they give it to me. _

_Do you remember, all those years ago, that night I told you that our story was epic? And then I lied and told you the next day that I was too drunk to remember, but the truth is that I was too humiliated to admit that I meant every single word that night. We _are_ epic. There is just no way around it. Finding each other again is proof to me that we can't tempt the hands of fate again. I refuse to let past mistakes get in the way of what we can be to each other. _

_Take care of yourself, Veronica. Be safe and don't let anything happen to you while I'm gone. There has always been a certain amount of worry that I've carried with me for you, but now it's a burning desire to keep you safe. It kills me that I have to leave. But I trust you to take the right measures to keep yourself out of harm's way. We're both older now, we don't need to make rash decisions any longer; when you see yourself in a dangerous situation, please step away from the edge and remember, that the reason you need to stay safe is for me. For us. So that we can be together again. _

_I promise to take care of myself, too. For you. For us. Because this time, I'm in. All the way, and it's a forever in. I love you. I always have, always will. No matter what, I love Veronica Mars. _

_Love,_

_Logan_

Sitting back, Logan stared at what he had written. In a way, he worried he may have said too much but he knew that with six months until he physically saw Veronica again, he wanted her to have no question that this was something he wanted. This wasn't casual or just for fun to him.

Folding the paper in half, he stuffed it inside an envelope, writing her name on the front of it. He placed it in the outside flap of his bag, planning to find a safe place for her to find it in the morning after he left.

He then headed to kitchen, checking the time and seeing that she would be here within the hour. He quickly began prepping for dinner.

She arrived right on time, a small sad smile at her lips as he opened the door for her, leaning in to quickly kiss him on the cheek. He led her to where he had set the table, pulling the chair out for her to sit in, murmuring that he would be right back. He returned with their dinner plates, filled with roasted vegetables and grilled steak, setting them down and then sitting himself across from her.

They had shared countless meals, but this one was more somber than any of those others. She reached her foot out and set it a top of his, her toes rubbing up along his ankle and past his pant leg. He caught her eye, smiling, his fingers reaching out to grasp her hand that sat idly on the table.

With no words, he stood, pulling her up with him, leading her to his bed that overlooked the ocean. The night sky was not completely dark, so the room was softly lit with natural light. Sitting down together, they looked at each other, etching each line and curve into their memory.

He leaned into kiss her lips, his hands cupping her face. As he pulled back, he could see tears in her eyes, and all he could think to do was to kiss away her sadness, and so without words, he did just that.

* * *

Veronica watched as Logan slept beside her, her heart constricting with emotion. She couldn't believe that in less than three hours, he would be gone for six months. It was too soon to lose him again, even temporarily. She brushed her fingers through his hair, tracing his a quiet whisper, she said to his sleeping form, "I love you."

She then lay down beside him, spooning herself up and under his arm, and slept. As she did so, she did not see as Logan opened his eyes in recognition of her words, a light smile forming on his lips.

* * *

Sunlight streamed onto the bed, and Veronica rolled over and watched as Logan took a picture of her with his phone. Rubbing her eyes, she complained, "No, it's too early."

Logan, dressed in his service whites and hat, smiled at her. "Well, you'd be surprised how strongly the Armed Services feels about punctuality. You want me to get busted for going AWOL?"

Sitting up, she crawled towards him saying, "Hey, I got you off murder charges, I can beat an AWOL wrap!" She put her arms around him and Logan kissed the tip of her nose.

"Listen, its one hundred and eighty days, Veronica." Logan stared into her eyes, "What's a hundred and eighty days to us? Our story is epic. Spanning years…continents…"

"Lives ruined. Bloodshed." She smiled with the memory.

He nodded. "Yeah." Leaning into kiss her, he held her tightly.

As they pulled apart, the tears were evident in her eyes as she whispered, "Come back to me."

Framing her face one last time with his hands, he nodded and gently whispered, "Always." He slowly pulled away from her, giving her one last look before he stepped away to grab his bag and head for the front door. As he opened the door to leave, she watched him, her heart full of everything he had given her, everything that they had.

* * *

Logan stepped out of the beach house, his heart heavy. As much as he didn't want to leave but he had to, this life of his required it. He headed down the drive, stopping at the door of his car, pulling the letter he had written out of his bag's side pocket and slipped it onto the dash where Veronica would be sure to not miss it. He had bequeathed the car to her to use for the next half year, and therefore he knew it would be first thing she saw when she got in it later this morning.

As he readjusted the bag, there was a honk from the cab that had been waiting for him, and so with one last look at the beach house, he opened the back door of the cab and slid in, heading toward the next six months of his life.

**A/N: Thanks again. I hope the Keith scene was ok to you. I feel like that Keith and Logan actually have a lot in common, loving women that run away. But Logan is definitely the more lucky of the two. Who knows if Keith would ever admit anything near that to Logan, but I just felt like when Keith had a near death experience, it would have enabled him to express more warmth toward Logan, number 1 because he saved his life, number 2 because Veronica loves Logan, and Number 3, Logan has grown into a responsible adult who deserves his kindness. The show always had this habit of trying to make Logan into such a bad character, but at the end of the day, Logan has some very redeeming qualities that over power and negative in my eyes, and therefore I never understood why Keith always had such a problem with the poor guy. Seriously, he saved V's life how many times? Sorry, I can go on. I will stop now...Thanks again for reading, please comment if you have the time. It seriously seriously makes my day. **


	16. Chapter 16 All In

**A/N: I completely apologize for not getting this story updated sooner.**

Leaning back against Logan's bed, Veronica stared out of the window and to the ocean despondently. It was going to be a long six months, no matter how Logan tried to spin it. Sure, they had nine years apart. But those nine years had been spent purposely not 'together.' As much as they sugar-coated this, it was going to be damn hard being in a relationship but not physically _with_ each other.

Eventually, she stood, making the bed slowly, wishing that he was still with her. She took a shower, using the woodsy-scented shampoo and conditioner, the body wash that was his. She dressed and slowly gathered her things and placed them into her bag, then headed to the kitchen for coffee that Logan had made earlier that morning, before she had awaken. It was still warm and so she let it heat her fingers as she rolled the mug between her hands, staring out the large picture windows, where she could see early risers taking their morning jog or surfing.

Blowing out a breath, her thoughts would not leave the nagging feeling that she hadn't said enough, hadn't given Logan enough of herself, even though she didn't know what more she could have given. Now that he was gone, fears were already starting to swarm her brain, doubts and niggling worry that she wouldn't see him again.

Checking the time, she saw that it was well past time that was necessary for her to be here, moping around. Dick could be back at any moment, but she was uninspired to leave. Instead, she pulled her laptop from her bag and began to write.

_Dear Logan,_

_You just left and I wish you would walk right back through the door. I can't believe how hard this is for me right now. I wish that we could have had more time together, I wish that more words would have been spoken…I wish, I wish, I wish._

_I'm soon headed to visit Dad in the hospital, but before I leave the solitude of the beach house, I wanted to write you my first letter. Just to start out what will soon be our only way to communicate for the next 180 days. So…here it goes._

_When I left Neptune for the FBI internship, I was fully planning on returning to Hearst that next fall. But the longer I was in DC, getting coffee for agents and running the copy machine, the more my mind wandered on the things in life that I needed to do. And with that in mind, I started looking into other options…and Stanford just happened. They accepted my application, they helped with loans, and it was done. In a blink of an eye, I was out of Neptune for as long as I wanted._

_I was playing a part when I was in Stanford. I took psychology classes and started obsessing about why I acted the way I did. I began analyzing everything action I ever took, and suddenly instead of taking classes that would push me in the direction of the FBI, I was taking every class that involved dissecting the way we think as humans. It was fascinating and horrifying at the same time, and I couldn't quite stop. So instead of stopping, I pursued it. I never have been able to stop that part of me, dissecting and understanding the mystery of something, and so, I excelled in psychology. _

_I didn't like being a classic case, so I fought what the text books told me I was, and made my own way. I did everything that would prove I wasn't text book. I room mated with three girls that only worried about grades and dates, I ignored any yearning I might have had to return to my old ways. I took a job as a Barista, because I already knew everything about that and it wasn't threatening. I kept my nose out of everyone's business. No one knew about my past. If anyone from Neptune was there, I never saw them. I tried to completely return to that vanilla girl that I had been…Pre-Lilly: that girl who didn't know anything of the bad of the world, one that lived in a bubble. But now, I realize why should I fight it? Why should I bother trying to be that person I thought I wanted, when the pull to be who I really am is so true and strong? The only way to have found that out was to be here, in Neptune, to see how it hasn't changed and only gotten worse, and that in order for me to be of any use is to be here, fighting it. I'm sorry it took nine years to figure that out, but I'm grateful for it, for this chance with you. For us._

_I remember once, not long after I first got to Stanford, one afternoon as I was walking to some general education class, I thought I saw you…standing at the edge of the courtyard, watching me. It stopped me cold; I actually missed my class, if you can believe it. Everything crashed before me and I ended up just walking around campus, talking myself into staying and not running back to everything I was missing; back to you._

_I had Wallace and Mac to keep me in the loop at home. Although, I have to admit, I didn't ask them much. We kept in touch mostly by texting and once in a while they would visit me at Stanford, and then later, on the East Coast. I rarely came home; in fact, I can probably count on one hand how often I was back. Never longer than a weekend, two days max. It was easier to not be here and see what had become of this place._

_Mac told me you had joined the Navy. I guess it was public record, it's not like it was a secret or anything, I could have looked at any number of tabloids to find that out, but that's how I found out. We were together at a supermarket when I saw a picture of you with Carrie and Mac told me what you were doing. I have to admit, I never truly believed her until I saw you when you met me at the airport. My heart was in my throat when I saw you standing there, in your Navy whites! How ordinary I felt, standing next to you, everyone about us staring at you in admiration and appreciation of your service! It was a moment to remember seeing people looking up to _you, Logan Echolls._ I'm so…so…pleased for you, that you have found something for you, something that everyone can appreciate and respect. That there is no sign of that angry-jack-assy Logan, and that the true you, the true Logan that I loved then and I love now is all that's left. _

_This morning, you reminded me of a time in our past that I honestly thought you didn't remember. I can't believe that you remember! That was a moment that I thought only I had the privilege of remembering, word-for-word. I loved that speech, Logan. Any girl would swoon to hear those words, and I…I swooned. You were right back then. We've spanned the years. We're spanning the continents. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to me. Come back to us. My heart hurts thinking about not seeing you for six months. I have so much to do for a while; as busy as I can make myself, it will still drag longer than those nine years. But my heart is filled with love for you. Please remember that, keep it close to you. I love you. I really, really do. Love you._

_I'm…sad. We just started this thing again, and now it's…gone. I know now how the women back in the forties must have felt, shipping their men off to parts unknown, never knowing when or if they would see their loves again. Thinking about this makes me realize, I have wasted too much time on my pride and protecting my heart. To hell with that. If I don't declare myself to you now…I just can't take that chance. Never again._

_Come back to me. I love you._

_Veronica._

Without giving herself a chance to chicken out, Veronica clicked "send" and the email was gone, sent to Logan with no chance of second guessing her words.

Placing the laptop in her bag, she stood from where she had been sitting and gathered the rest of her things, slinging the messenger bag over her shoulder, digging Logan's car keys out of the side pocket. Checking for any lights that needed turned off, she headed to the front door, locking it as she left.

Approaching the convertible, she adjusted the items in her hands and set them in the back seat, opened the driver's side door and slid into the seat. She turned the key in the ignition, shifted into reverse and backed out of the driveway. As she did so, Veronica noticed an envelope as it slid across the dashboard. She quickly caught it before it slid down into the foot well of the passenger side. Setting it on her lap, she pulled the car into drive and headed to the hospital.

Arriving at the hospital, Veronica parked Logan's car carefully in a spot as far away from other cars to avoid dinging it. Not that Logan would even care, but this was the nicest car she had ever driven and her name was not on the title; she wanted to keep it in the best shape possible. Checking the time, she was glad to see that visiting hours were about to start and that her dad wouldn't be kept waiting. She unlatched her seat belt, only then remembering the envelope that sat on her lap. She picked it up and flipped it around, seeing her name written in Logan's familiar handwriting. A warm sensation filled her as she tore it open and pulled out the letter that he had written her. His words were far more poetic than anything she could have written. In fact, they brought tears to her eyes as began to read. She was amazed and touched at how closely their thoughts coincided; and any regret she had been feeling by sending him the email this morning was erased with his proclamation that he was all in. She knew that the next words sent to him would be the same. She was all in.

**A/N: The next chaps I plan to be letters completely about their past nine years. No promises on the quality, ha. I am still deciding if I should write it in story or letter form. Thoughts on that, anyone? I hope this was worth the wait, I know it's not a super long chapter, but I hope you still enjoyed it. Thanks for all the reviews, follows, and favorites-I love these two characters and am so glad I am in good company. Thanks!**


	17. Chapter 17 Past Beginnings: Letters

**A/N: And thus begins these letters. As of right now, I am sticking with letters and no flashbacks. I may change my mind. Consider yourselves warned. :) Thank you for all the reviews/comments/encouragement. I am addicted to your opinions. Thanks so much in advance for continuing reading this story.**

* * *

Chapter 17 Letters

_Dear Veronica._

_I've spent the past few days thinking about what of the nine years are so important that I have to tell you. As much as you want to know, I realize there is a lot of mundane everyday dealings that just don't matter that much. But I suppose that's up to you to decide, so I'll just start with the beginning._

_When we last saw each other, you probably knew Parker had just ended it with me. Because of you, of course. She was angry about how I had reacted over the sex tape and I can't blame her. At the time, however, I was in a little bit of denial about my motives for beating Piz to a bloody pulp. When I saw that tape, Veronica, I don't know…I just, I think all the injustices of everything that had happened between us just boiled up and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop trying to protect what I thought was still mine, and it wasn't right, but I would have killed him, probably, if he wouldn't have passed out and my senses hadn't of come back._

_When you came to me in your justified anger, promising that this was it, that it was over…I think that it didn't register until I got your email later that summer. You and I, we always had tomorrow back then. There was always another chance, another moment to come that I would have to win you back. So it shocked me. It scared me. To think that you were never coming back._

_I took myself down to the career center and the test told me to look into the military. From the information the counselor gave me, I knew I had some time to decide, so I kept the idea of the military, Navy or whatever, on the back burner while I finished out Hearst. _

_Dick and I spent the summer at the Grand and his dad stayed on a different floor; they spent a lot of time together. Dick was a bit of a mess most of that summer, trying to come to terms with his family dynamics. Everything that was going on with him kept me from thinking too much about my own problems. When Susan Knight "drowned," that shook him up even more. That guy. Seriously. He made all my problems seem trivial. Somehow though, he's made himself a decent life._

_I spent most of my time that summer surfing, like usual, and trying not to think too hard. But there was one bright spot, however. My weekly dates with a little girl. Heather Button. I'd like you to meet her someday, actually. She's kind of like a sister to me, much more than Trina ever tried to be. You actually have met her, however informally. Do you remember, right after we broke up that last time…riding in the elevator at the Grand with me and a little girl who was wearing your shirt? That was Heather. That was the weekend she and I met. I ended up 'watching' her for a few days while Dick went partying with her sister. That's a story for another time. A good ol' Dick story from old times. Ha. I'm laughing from the memory. Ask him sometime about his wife. Heehee._

_Anyway, about Heather. We spent that weekend together and made a pact to play Mario Kart online together once a week. It evolved from there to meeting her for ice cream down on the pier once a month and then progressed to something more akin to a brother/sister relationship. Her parents had split just before we met, and somehow she thought I was a wise source of comfort or something. I don't really know what she sees in me. But I enjoyed helping her out, and she liked me. It helped to have someone in my life that thought well of me. Beyond you, no one really had much assumption I would amount to much at that point in my life. As much as I needed to be accountable to myself, it helped to have her to check in with. She has this way of looking at me when I do something stupid—that makes me try harder. _

_We check in still with each other about once a month, even though lately I haven't bothered her, for obvious reasons. I don't even know if she knows about Carrie… but she'll be home during the summer, so I really want you to really get to know her. She's important._

_When class started in the beginning of September, I took all the general classes that were required. I went back and forth partying to being sober. Up until the anniversary of Lilly's death. That day I got a little shit-faced. You probably got a lot of hang up calls that day-all from me. That was the day I came to a lot of conclusions. One was that in order to get into a military career or, well, hell, any career, I had to quit drinking. It wasn't doing me any favors. All it did was numb the pain for me to feel later. SO…much to the annoyance of my roommate, I dumped it all down the drain, literally. _

_I admit I fell off the wagon more than a few times. But I never allowed myself to be that person again, the one that…that I was back then. I wanted to succeed in something, and so I made it my personal mission to get through Hearst with Honors (tooting my own horn here) to give myself the best chance that I could to get where I wanted to go. _

_Dick and I moved out of the Grand later that school year because it got way too expensive…ha, 09ers complaining about money, right? We moved into a small apartment near campus. He kept up with his frat buddies, but never moved in with them. For some reason, we stuck together._

_I dated. A lot. Dick would meet someone with a single friend and he'd shuffle the single one off to me while he wooed his latest conquest. I wasn't interested in anyone for a while, but I went through the expected motions because it was necessary. But the bad thing for me was that I have a type…and so there were many times the girl would be confused as why I just couldn't look at her anymore. I would get your face or Lilly's face mixed in with hers and…it would just be over. _

_I would like to say that there was no one other than you that ever took a place in my heart…but that wouldn't be true and I'm going for honesty here. There was Carrie, of course. But that came later. My first 'long-term' relationship after you was with a girl named Bryn. We both kind of broke each other's hearts. _

_Now, I have a lot of experience with a broken heart and the many different processes it can take to get there. It can be nicked at, the way Lilly would nick at mine every time she'd throw another boy in my face for sport. In can be pummeled, the way Dad would pummel mine every time the belt would strike. It can be crushed, like when Lilly died. Torn in half, like when I accepted Mom was gone. Crushed, like when I found out about Dad and Lilly. It can be plucked apart, like a rose, petal by petal, the way mine was all those times during the years we fought or were together and apart, together and apart. It can be drowned, with alcohol. _

_With Bryn, it was just a swift tear and it was over. We didn't fight, not like you and I used to. I think with Bryn it might have been as close to an easy relationship as I had ever had. It wasn't….exciting or confusing or jealous ridden or any of those things. It just…was. She was an English major and quiet. She was happy that I wasn't drinking, so that worked well for us both. But eventually an opportunity came for her to move to another school and I was enlisting in the Navy—biding my time until they'd take me. Neither of us would budge, and it suddenly was done._

_I know you never intended for the memory of you to ruin me forever. But I was always cautious around anyone that I might let get that close, and so when Bryn left, it didn't hurt as much as it probably should have. It only made me think of you, miss you the way I should have missed her…as if you and I were the ones breaking up…again. What tore me up the most when she left was that I didn't have anyone…again._

_Right now, I'm thinking of you, with me, here, right now, in my bunk, as I'm writing this in the dark, with my penlight trained on the paper. My bunkmates are all passed out from the long day at sea, and here I am, pouring my past into a letter. Tomorrow I will post it all in an email and send it._

_I am so glad that I can confidently say that there is time for more later. I will tell you it all, I promise. But for now, I must bid you good night._

_Love you. Spanning Continents._

_Logan._

_PS Thank you for your letter. It meant the world to me. I love you._

* * *

_Dear Logan,_

_Thank you for your letters. Both of them. The one you left in the car and the one I just received. I want you to know, that I feel the same way. All in._

_Heather sounds wonderful. I often thought of you, all alone without any family. Trina never counted, even when she still lived in Neptune. It makes me so happy to know there was at least someone besides Dick that mattered to you for all those years apart. And I do remember her. She was with you the night I was at the Grand looking into clues about Dean O'Dell's murder. You and I weren't speaking then, and…I got the feeling Heather was trying to help? I recall a certain…song on the radio. One that I doubted at the time you had ever even heard before that night when they played it. _

_She was cute. And sincere. And sweet. And you were…awkward. Completely not your snarky self that I had come to expect. I think that's why maybe I never gave you a chance to explain. You weren't yourself, and I didn't know what to do with calm, sad you. In the past when we were apart, you were always quip-full, jack-assy sad. I knew what to do with that Logan. But those months before Parker….you were just….not the Logan I knew. It alarmed me to think that it wasn't you there, talking me down or trying to hurt me with your come backs. Instead, you would give me long looks and it was hard to take….and I pushed it away. With you, I always felt too much. It was never the same with anyone else. And for me, feeling that much…well, I had learned at an early age that if you loved someone too much, they would just hurt you in the end. So I let that thing that tore us apart…keep us apart, so I wouldn't have to take the chance of being hurt even further._

_I realize now that real love is worth the risk. I want you to know that, I'm not trying to open old wounds just for kicks. I got over what happened a long time ago, and I realize that I could have been more patient with what happened. When you broke up with me that fall, it hurt, so much more because I never imagined that it would be you to walk away first. And then we were together, and it felt so right, being with you again, I got scared. As usual, I freaked out because you and I are…fire and ice. It's never going to be 'easy' like it was easy for me with Piz or easy for you with Bryn. But just because it's not easy doesn't mean it's not right. This is right. This is what I want. You are who I want._

_I'm so glad, too, that you got a real handle on your drinking. I wondered more than once why you never drank when I was with you these past few weeks. Watching my mother be ruined by drink…that's nothing that I want for you. It's an awful burden, and I am so so so glad that you took the initiative to control it at an early age. I think of your mother, too, and what addiction did there…you and I are peas in a pod, aren't we? The gravitational pull of similar grief._

_So. Back to my days._

_Stanford was never home for me, at least not like I wanted it to be. I came home for one weekend right after I got back to California to pack up my things, store what I wasn't bringing with me, and then I was driving away in my car, not even stopping to look back even for five minutes. I buried the feeling that I was being Lianne's daughter and just kept the mantra that it was for the best…and kept my foot on the gas pedal. Dad never tried to sway me. In fact, he almost packed my bags for me. I think we both knew that my staying was causing more harm than good, and he let me go. He never was a fighter in that regard. _

_He lost the sheriff's race right before I left for D.C.. And it was my fault that he lost. I never told you the whole story about that Gory guy that you beat up in the cafeteria…but the whole reason Dad lost that election boiled down to that damn sex tape. It was because of my determination for revenge that Dad was suspected of tampering with evidence. He was saving my butt, once again. He would do anything for me, and he really shouldn't have that time. The whole thing could have been ironed out if I would have just trusted him enough to tell him what was going on, but no, of course, I didn't. I thought I could handle things on my own, and that cost him his future. Probably Neptune's future as well. Because of me, another Lamb is in office, making a mockery of the judicial system. But Neptune has Robin Hood or Batman, in the form of my dad. All will be well with him looking out for all of us little people. _

_The first semester was hard. Emotionally hard. I had to fight back a lot of urges, nosy ones. You're familiar with my nosy urges, but no one at Stanford was. My roommates would look at me weird if I asked a question they deemed too personal and many times I had to physically take myself out of a situation so I wouldn't go searching on Google for a background check on people._

_About a month in, I took the job as a Barista at a place near campus. I worked a lot, so a lot of time was spent at that coffee shop, studying or working or both. I didn't date at all that first year. In fact, I think a couple of my roommates worried about whether I was a lesbian, until the second year, when they got me to finally go on a few blind dates._

_You'd laugh, I'm sure, but I grew my hair out long again, like when I was younger. I started wearing floral prints, not a lot of black toned items were in my closet. I was astounded when I unpacked my stuff at Dad's that first week and found my old black jackets and bags, like they couldn't bear to be parted from me and had just bided their time until I was ready for them again. _

_That 'long haired, floral printed' Veronica lasted about six months, and then it was gone, poof. I couldn't quite pull off that part, and so I quit trying. I chopped the hair, not quite as severely as in high school, but enough, and found some solid prints to wear. _

_There was this guy, Jarred, that asked me out about once a month that whole first year. He was too much like you, in looks anyway. I told him no, no, no…till I was blue in the face. Still, he asked me out. But it just felt weird, dating then, when I was wishing…wishing I were home, with you. With Dad. I was living this alternate life that wasn't mine, and I kept reverting back to the way it should have been….in Neptune. So I told him 'no' for the entire first year at Stanford, and then finally told him yes about Christmas time the next year, after my few 'blind' dates that my roomies set me up with._

_We dated for four months. It was kind of how you explained your time with Bryn: easy. Comfortable with nothing scary or hard attached to it. But I grew tired of it, and we ended on amicable enough terms. No broken hearts for either end. And I admit, it did the same thing to me as your break up with Bryn: it made me miss you. _

_That next summer, after my first year of Stanford, I was offered a work study right there on Campus. The apartment I rented with those other girls was ours through the summer, so it worked perfectly to stay. It was awesome, because all three of the other girls went home, one to Colorado, the other two to Minnesota, so I had the whole apartment to myself. I had Wallace and Mac come up more than once, with the excuse that I had to stay local for an on-call project that my professor needed my help on. So I didn't come home that whole summer. Dad visited maybe three times. It was a quiet summer for me, but at the time, perfect. I wouldn't choose it again, but it was perfect for me then._

_I loved your letter. I love hearing from you. You're right; we have a lot more time for more things to say. Keep me in your thoughts, Logan, keep wishing for me to be in your bed. I'll be doing the much as I'm missing you, I'm grateful for these days of collecting my thoughts to share exactly how I spent my time without you. But I still would much rather you here, with me, right now._

_Spanning continents. Love you._

_Veronica_

* * *

**A/N: I believe it was in _Neptune Noir _that made mention of the fact that in the 2nd season, when Veronica came to Logan after his EPIC speech, that because he was drunk that night/morning, he was unprepared for _her_ speech that she gave to him, and because of that, he made a decision that never again would he be too drunk for Veronica. Therefore in the 2nd season finale, that is why he was sober when she sent him that text for help. Because he had matured enough to know that at some point, she would need him and so he consciously kept himself limited to his alcohol. I've watched it again and again and have come to realize, that I agree. I also think that towards the end of season 3, he was drunk a lot. JD plays those scenes...slurry or something, which could have been an accident on JD's part or a subtle way to show that Logan knew it was over, therefore, he let himself go. Totally rambling here, but the fact that in the film, he says he was 'Carrie's sponsor' makes me really believe that at this point in his life, Logan is dry, and dry for himself and not Veronica, which makes him even more ready for Veronica than ever before.**


End file.
